What Does Four More Years™ Mean To YOU?

As the editors of this award-winning* periodical partied the night away with upwardly mobile members of the Colorado Democratic-Farmer-Labour Party, we discussed how last night’s comprehensive victory was significant on so many levels apart simply from four more years of Kenyan Anti-colonial Soshulist Islamic Marxist Hitlerism in the White Haus:

  • The Tea Party has been exposed forever as the fraudulent fever dream of fanatics who belong nowhere near any kind of responsible office, and its continued existence guarantees electoral victory for Democrats;
  • The GOPee must come to terms with secular demographic trends and concede the fact that it can no longer be the party of old white southern men if it wants to remain a viable national movement;
  • When given (reasonably) well-crafted ballot initiatives, Americans on both coasts and the Rocky Mountain West spoke up in favor of civil liberty and against dogmatic puritanism. Over time, we may find that the decriminalization of marijuana in Washington and Colorado may even be more significant than a second term for W. Barry Bamz; and
  • The coalition for civil rights is rising again, with great effect. The people of the Great State of Maryland took a great progressive leap forward by becoming the first citizens to directly order their legislature to grant equality under the law to gay and lesbian couples and families. Martin O’Malley, the former mayor of Baltimore and present governor of Queen Mary’s Land, was a pivotal figure in convincing influential black church leaders to come correct on the most pressing civil rights issue of the day. A newly minted progressive powerhouse, his national ambitions have surely become even stronger.

To-morrow, we will publish the thoughts of our contributors as to what four more years of Hip-Hop Barbecues in the White Haus means to them.

You should contribute as well.

Yes, you. Briefly close your browser tabs to RedTube, YouPorn, and PornHub and send ~200 words and a pseudonym to publius1981@gmail.com, for freedom.

*not intended to be a factual statement

The Morning Wood: Akin Breaky Heart

We’re trying something new today. Let us know in the comments if you like it.

Todd Akin’s (R-Your Vagina) terrible, horrible, very bad day just continues on without an end in sight. His small lead in Missourah has disappeared, almost before he was finished with his masterful phrasing of “legitimate rape.” Senator Claire McCaskill, once legitimately worried about losing to the Tea Party-backed upstart, hasn’t had to say a word. And poor Mr. Akin just keeps talking.

He’s lost his backing, both from the GOP and the Tea Party. The entire country of Republicans — seeing that this could cost them their shots at office too — have called upon him to resign. He just says no, cuts more ads saying “sorry for my explosive boner!“, and goes on another talk show to once again justify what he said.

In the words of Springfield Police Chief Wiggum, “dig up, stupid.” [Read more…]

Shorting Mittens Romney

Mittens haz a sad :(

Mittens haz a sad.

A few weeks ago your correspondent was trolling around the terrific political betting website Intrade and noticed something that seemed odd.

First, some background. The game at Intrade is as follows: Bets are taken on discrete yes/no events such as “Will Newt Gingrich win the GOP Nomination for President in 2012?” or “Will a member of the European Currency Union formally announce a plan to leave the euro on or before December 31, 2012? Bets are multiples of $10 and are set by auction, just like the stock markets with bid/ask prices. If an event is trading at $0.25, bettors are assigning a 2.5% chance that something, say Herman Cain’s nomination, ha ha, will occur. Short selling is allowed, but leverage is not: all trades are settled by Intrade upon confirmation of an event (or non-event) and fully covered because bettors must front 100% of the cash needed to settle the worst possible outcome of any bet.

[Read more…]

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