Euro 2012: A Progress Update on Group D

Oh yeah he meant to do that…

I love tournament football because it allows me to yell “GET THE BALL OFF YOUR FOOT, YOU FUCKING CUNT!” at the television without being subsequently taken into custody for a psychiatric evaluation. Whereas in club football, I support my team and all of its players, at the international level there are some compromises. I get to root for players I wouldn’t normally but whom I like, such as Manchester United’s Danny Welbeck and Tottenham Hotspur’s Scott Parker, but I have to tolerate scumbags like John Terry and Ashley Cole. There’s something delightfully dysfunctional about hurling the most breathtaking abuse at players you’re supposed to be supporting. You should try it!

[Read more…]

Euro 2012: Who to Hate in Group D

Thass… Waycess?

Oh, let’s just get this over with.

1. Ukraine (45-1 to win the tournament)

National Claim to Fame:


Are they any good at football?

Meh. Ukraine qualified by virtue of co-hosting the tournament, and they are currently ranked by UEFA as the 14th best European team. They will rely on the 35-year old Andriy Schevchenko to score goals, which tells you more or less everything you need to know.

Here’s Ukraine’s entry in the 2012 Eurovision song contest. God Help Us All.

[Read more…]

%d bloggers like this: