I’ve got some great news, you guys. We’re a month out from the election, which means that we’re one month from High Lord Hairgel Sir Mittens of Romneybot being elected as Supreme Commander of The Poors, Middle Classes, and Especially The Rich, which means we’re one month away from the economy magically righting itself thanks to the Stormin’ Mormon’s shiny NEW POLICY FOR AMERICA WHICH IS TOP SECRET, FOR SOME REASON.
I don’t know about you, but I’m totes excited.
Here’s how I look at it: you know that rush you get from gambling? You put all your chips down on the table — on black, if you listen to Wesley Snipes as I do — and your heart pounds as you watch the ball rolling and bouncing around in the wheel, uncertain if you’re about to become rich and therefore curry favor with the Republican Party of Jesus Dollar Sign Christ, or if you’re about to enter a life of dead-end prostitution wherein you sell your body on the streets to pay for food for your 27 illegitimate children.
Since we don’t know what Mittens’ policies actually are, what they’d do, and since he keeps changing his mind about what his tax plan actually does — is it a cut across the board? Or is it not? WE DON’T KNOW EITHER — every single day will feel like a night in
Monte Carlo Atlantic City. Sure you’ll be dirty, and broke, and smoking 10,000 cigarettes while waiting for your life to end in either a hail of gunfire or a back-alley dumpster, but won’t it be exciting?
Place your bets.