Handicapping the 2012 South Carolina Sons of the Confederacy Grits-eating Contest

Down with the Eagle, and Up with the Cross!

Hooray hooray, for it is Fri-day, and tomorrow the enlightened voters of the least enthusiastic member of our United States get to weigh in on which man deserves to embarrass America’s allies and embolden her enemies.

WHO’S GONNA WIN? I don’t know or care, and neither should you! But we will still take the piss out of all of them, because we hate freedom.

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This Week in Trolling, Brought to You by Valtrex®

They see me trollin’. They hatin’.

You may have noticed that the publishers of this esteemed journalistic venture observe all federal holidays, the occasional powder day, and sick days, because we are lazy soshulists.

But now we’re back, and if you think the elimination of Tim Tebow and the rest of the Denver Tebows from playoff contention leaves us with nothing intelligent to say, you’re spot on. But that never stopped Newton Gingrich and it won’t stop the cockpunching either, for Libertee and Freedom™.

Today we begin an exciting weekly feature known henceforth as This Week in Trolling, a compendium of the week’s highlights from people who piss on your shoes and tell you it’s raining. Off we go!

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New Hampshire is a White Myth, Like Larry Bird and Colorado

Best photo of all time. OF ALL TIME!!

Due to the fact that ‘Merica’s lamestream media is lobotomized and owned by the same corporate welfare queens that benefit from the current political payola racket, the probability of  them disseminating any information about the GOP primary in its proper context is only infinitesimally higher than the square root of fuckall.

Thankfully your correspondent is here and will remain faithfully yours, live-blogging the death of the American Dream©. I will spare you the hour of your life you’d never get back watching teevee and will summarize the morning headlines for you, in only 602 words, and tell it like it actually is.

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Liberals for Ron Paul, and Mittens Steps in it Again

Part One: Why This Godless Soshulist is Voting for Ron Paul

In your correspondent’s relatively brief life as a registered voter I have been a Republican, a Democrat, and unaffiliated. As someone who likes to believe he thinks critically about public policy, the two major ‘Merican political parties leave a lot to be desired. Both are incoherent amalgamations of various (almost random) interest groups and despite all attempts to dress up their platforms as internally consistent your correspondent has never been convinced.

Your correspondent’s politics, like those of many economists, is the intellectual offspring of the Victorian Liberals who were in favor of free trade and civil rights, deeply skeptical of empire and large corporations, and opposed to aristocracy, monarchy, and the established church. Fifty years ago this could have been described as Eisenhower Republicanism but there is no room in either party today for people who:

  • see government as a means to an end, rather than an end in itself;
  • want simple, open, transparent, accountable public policy; and
  • want government to have no part in moral crusades at home or abroad.

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Shorting Mittens Romney

Mittens haz a sad :(

Mittens haz a sad.

A few weeks ago your correspondent was trolling around the terrific political betting website Intrade and noticed something that seemed odd.

First, some background. The game at Intrade is as follows: Bets are taken on discrete yes/no events such as “Will Newt Gingrich win the GOP Nomination for President in 2012?” or “Will a member of the European Currency Union formally announce a plan to leave the euro on or before December 31, 2012? Bets are multiples of $10 and are set by auction, just like the stock markets with bid/ask prices. If an event is trading at $0.25, bettors are assigning a 2.5% chance that something, say Herman Cain’s nomination, ha ha, will occur. Short selling is allowed, but leverage is not: all trades are settled by Intrade upon confirmation of an event (or non-event) and fully covered because bettors must front 100% of the cash needed to settle the worst possible outcome of any bet.

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