Chicken Little and His Morning Wood


So yesterday did not go as planned for the orange-clad warriors of the Rocky Mountains. While they didn’t get killed, they weren’t exactly “in it to win it” either, and for the second straight week they lost by six and watched their defense fritter away a shot at the ball with time running down.

Same as it ever was.

And as expected by Your Humble Correspondent, the nay-sayers came out in force immediately following the game, claiming (after three games, I shit you not) that the Peyton Manning signing was a failure and that it was a waste of time and money and — you guessed it — we set ourselves back 5 years (minimum) by shipping off Timothy Richard Tebow. All this despite Manning throwing for over 300 yards, two touchdowns, no interceptions, and having several passes dropped by his wideouts.

/kills self

There’s a lesson to be learned here. That lesson is that blind Tebow supporters should probably be euthanized for the good of humanity and for the long-term intelligence of the species. Not even close to kidding. We’ve been around and around with the morons masquerading as pseudo football intellectuals using things like team wins to extrapolate individual roles in said wins, and when it comes to logic, they simply don’t have access. I’m not sure if it’s the Florida water, the Jesus Juice, or the scruffy beard and monk haircut, but something has gone haywire in the Tebow zombie brain, and it’s killing the will to live of everyone who doesn’t think Tim is actually that good.

Thankfully, the Raiders come to town this week, and it would be hella nice to get healthy with a win, putting us at 2-2 heading into @New England and @San Diego. If we can beat the Raiders and Chargers — who look eminently beatable after yesterday’s poopfest in their house against Atlanta — the Denver Broncos will be 3-3 after the toughest stretch of their 2nd-toughest-in-the-league schedule.

And while the schedule doesn’t get particularly easy after the first six games, it does get easiER. And honestly, easiER is all we can ask for. [Read more…]

Reince Priebus is the Tip of My Morning Wood

Reince Priebus, the weaselly little shit currently chairing the Republican National Committee, is a dick. Or has a dick for a nose. Or a dick for a tongue.

Either way, he’s fucking garbage.

This morning, we all woke to the news that a US Ambassador had been killed in action in Libya, when Muslim protesters scaled the walls of the American consulate in Benghazi. J. Christopher Stevens, the United States Ambassador to Libya, was one of three Americans killed in an attack precipitated by a movie that ridiculed Islam’s Prophet Muhammad. The movie was made, rather unsurprisingly, by Christians (who feel it is their duty to mock other faiths in order to make theirs look decent) and propagated by (who else?) a Christian pastor. If you guessed it was the same guy who called on everyone to burn the Qu’ran, you’d be right on the money!

This is, of course, bad news. It’s sad that someone lost his life for the actions of another, and it’s even worse that two others were also taken down.

The worst part? The worst part is making it into a political statement, and claiming something outrageous. Something like, “the President sides with attackers in Egypt. Sad and pathetic.” But no human would make SUCH a partisan statement, right? No human would say something like that before the dead bodies have even gone cold… right?

Wrong, Sam. Wrong.

@Reince: Obama sympathizes with attackers in Egypt. Sad and pathetic.

He really sent that! He really did!

No respect for the dead. None. No respect for the office he holds, or the office for which his candidate is running. Zero.

Resolved: Reince Priebus is a piece of shit.

But it gets better. So so so so so SO much better. [Read more…]

Are You Better Off Than You Were Four Years Ago?

“The one on your right is for all you Poors. The one on the left, that’s for you, Grandma.”

This is the question being posed by the GOP this week in Charlotte, North Carolina, home of the Democratic National Convention. The Romney campaign thinks the American people like re-runs — Ronnie Raygun used this same question during the 1980 election to oust incumbent peanut farmer Jimmy Carter — and will simply go along and answer with the negative.

Problem is, Americans still sometimes like to think for themselves. And four years ago today, in September of 2008, with Republican George W. Bush in the Oval Office, the Great Recession took a particularly nasty dive downward. There were few at that time who weren’t affected in one way or another by the awful policies of the GWB, so literally four years ago today? Yeah, we’re much better off now than we were then. So is most of America, real or otherwise.

Of course, for Americans to see that for themselves requires a bit more self-awareness than we generally display during an election season, but… We have hope. Hope for change, we suppose.

The new superstar of the RNC, Chairman Reince Priebus, is the one espousing this line of thinking. To the block quote! [Read more…]

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