The Morning Wood: There is No Reason to Vote Republican in 2012

A Helpful Guide to Regulating Ladybits, by Todd Akin (R-Etrograde)

No matter what demographic, economic, or ideological groupings you believe yourself to inhabit, there is no legitimate reason to vote Republican in 2012. Unless you’re a billionaire like Meyer Lansky Sheldon Adelson or a racist ignoramus (like Sheldon Adelson), you should either vote for the black guy or stay home. In no particular order, find your group identity below the fold and be appalled by the modern day GOPee, for freedom. [Read more…]

Euro 2012: Who to Hate in Group D

Thass… Waycess?

Oh, let’s just get this over with.

1. Ukraine (45-1 to win the tournament)

National Claim to Fame:


Are they any good at football?

Meh. Ukraine qualified by virtue of co-hosting the tournament, and they are currently ranked by UEFA as the 14th best European team. They will rely on the 35-year old Andriy Schevchenko to score goals, which tells you more or less everything you need to know.

Here’s Ukraine’s entry in the 2012 Eurovision song contest. God Help Us All.

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The Second Coming of Black Jesus?

There are some things about Our Nation’s Kapital (War-shington, DeeCee) that will never change:

  • Muggy nights in September, hanging out on the back porch whilst listening to the loosely harmonized symphony of crickets and locusts announce the end of a summer spent on an overbuilt swamp, followed by the perennial and deafening subtropical thunderstorm that slays the vernal and heralds the arrival of autumn (by some distance the most pleasant of the seasons);
  • The ongoing embarrassment to America, Congress, which simultaneously marshals an ever-growing share of the nation’s resources as inefficiently as possible and fails to push back against the accelerated post-Nixonian tendency of the executive branch towards opacity and the police state;
  • Epic levels of collar-popping douche nozzles practicing their love of date rape just north of the intersection of Wisconsin Avenue and M Street, NW; and
  • Marion Barry, Jr., still tempting Congress to revoke the City’s meager home rule powers after all these years.

Maybe your correspondent should be less cavalier in this assessment, for there are also many things he thought would never change and have in the thirteen years since he left:
[Read more…]

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