The Morning Wood: It Begins

Oh my goodness, you guys, we’re one week away from election day in Amercia and things are really starting to heat up. Not just the talking points from both sides, or both sides defending their records. And I’m not just talking here about Lord High Hairgel Sir Mittens of Romney flat-out lying to the good people of Ohio about Chrysler/Jeep’s plan to move factories overseas… and then doubling down on that lie… and then repeating that lie in a campaign commercial.

All of those things happened too. To the point where even Chrysler made a statement to the newspapers about it. To the block quote!

“Despite clear and accurate reporting, the take has given birth to a number of stories making readers believe that Chrysler plans to shift all Jeep production to China from North America and therefore idle assembly lines and US workforce,” Chrysler spokesman Gualberto Ranieri wrote on the automaker’s website. “It is a leap that would be difficult even for professional circus acrobats.”

Translation: Mitt Romney is kind of a dick, and we swear to god if our employees start bothering HR with this shit, we will personally come down there, take off our pants, and kick someone in the balls. [Read more…]

This Morning Wood Was Built By A Government Program

Sometimes, you just need a government program to accomplish something which otherwise never would have happened.

Do you see that statue? That’s called “The CCC Worker,” and it’s stationed near the upper lot of the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, Colorado. It’s a beautiful piece of bronze, overlooking the park, famous concert venue and, further east, the city of Denver. And it represents an idea. An idea that when we need it the most, great things can be built at the behest of our government that improve life, not just for the citizens of a given city, but also for the lives of the workers who get jobs for a long-term project.

The plaque which adorns the statue says this:
“CCC Worker”
Erected in 2004 by Chapter 7, NACCCA
in cooperation with the City and County of Denver.
Dedicated in honor of the 3 million workers
who served in the Civilian Conservation Corps
from 1933 to 1942 and to those members of
Co 1848, SP-13-C, Morrison, Colorado
who were the builders of this
Red Rocks Amphitheatre from 1936 to 1941.

“What an obscure thing to bring up, Sam,” you’re saying. “What does this have to do with anything?” Great question.

Last night, there was a rally at Red Rocks Amphitheater for the Romney/Ryan campaign, featuring Kid Rock and some generic “we’ll put a boot in yer ass” country music “stars.” And the place was packed with about 10,000 Denver-area Republicans, none of whom seem to understand the irony of a situation where they’re chanting about how they “built that” while a statue overlooks the spectacle saying, in effect, “No, you didn’t. The Government did.” [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: He Doesn’t Get It

We’re just jealous of the success he’s had in business.

We just want ammunition that we can “twist” and “lie about” during the election.

We’re “birthering” him.

Mitt, you just don’t get it, man. I wish you got it because I’d rather have two honest candidates to vote for than just one and a douche who won’t show his numbers. For those of you scoring at home, the latter is Mexican Space Lizard/Robot Willard Mittens Romney (R-Rich People).

Thing of it is, we’re not jealous of his success; if anything, we’d like to emulate the idea of never needing to work past the age of 50. That’s a far cry from the reality most of us face. [Read more…]

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