The Morning Wood Is Dressing Like a Skank for Halloween


Happy Halloween, you pagan revelers!

Before you go off trading sexual favors for Fun Size™ high fructose corn syrup treats please do bring yourself up to speed on the pressing questions of the day, like whether or not to wear underwear with your naughty librarian outfit. Oh and also current events.

As Magic Sam chronicled yester-day, Willard, Lord High Mittens de Romneyshire is having a rough go of it in Ohio, a state he needs to win to have a realistic shot at sending Bammers Hussein back to Kenya where he belongs. This morning, Politico weighs in on Romney and his ever-shrinking window of opportunity. FiveThirtyEight reports that while Hurricane Sandy is probably not going to swing any state towards a different presidential candidate, voter turnout in the northeastern blue states is likely to be impacted. This raises the not-insignificant probability that Barry O’Bummer could win the Electoral College and lose the national popular vote.  [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: It Begins

Oh my goodness, you guys, we’re one week away from election day in Amercia and things are really starting to heat up. Not just the talking points from both sides, or both sides defending their records. And I’m not just talking here about Lord High Hairgel Sir Mittens of Romney flat-out lying to the good people of Ohio about Chrysler/Jeep’s plan to move factories overseas… and then doubling down on that lie… and then repeating that lie in a campaign commercial.

All of those things happened too. To the point where even Chrysler made a statement to the newspapers about it. To the block quote!

“Despite clear and accurate reporting, the take has given birth to a number of stories making readers believe that Chrysler plans to shift all Jeep production to China from North America and therefore idle assembly lines and US workforce,” Chrysler spokesman Gualberto Ranieri wrote on the automaker’s website. “It is a leap that would be difficult even for professional circus acrobats.”

Translation: Mitt Romney is kind of a dick, and we swear to god if our employees start bothering HR with this shit, we will personally come down there, take off our pants, and kick someone in the balls. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: The Worst Thing You Can Do

I made a big mistake this weekend, you guys. While catching up on sports, politics and other subjects for this-ah here bloggy blog which I bring to you from the relative comfort of my mother’s basement (The Bunk works in his grandmother’s basement; FUN FACT: Bloggers are incapable of being a) employable or b) homeowners), I quite unfortunately ventured into the comments section of a website we all know but which shall remain nameless (it starts with an H and ends with an UFFINGTONPOST). There, I found all manner of humanity, spraying humanity like so much jetsam and flotsam in outer space.

Most of it didn’t make sense. Much of it had nothing to do with the topic at hand, and that was true on almost every article I came across. The articles roughing up the GOP had comments instantly mocking the President; those calling into question the President’s actions were met with scorn from those on the left; and articles about celebrity happenings were received with calls of “who cares?” and “why is this a topic on a major website?” and petty disagreements framed as factual assertions. It was really quite something.

I weep for the future. [Read more…]

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