The Morning Wood Recognizes The Gentleman From Kentucky

mitch mcconnell lolFriday, bee-yotches! Enjoy yourselves!

Politicks!
American Hero and U.S. Senator for the great state of Kentucky Mitch McConnell has, somehow, made the Senate an even more dysfunctional place than it was already.

“But how is that even possible Detective Moreland?”, says you.

“By introducing a bill weakening Congress’s power over the debt limit just to prove a point that Democrats don’t have enough power to pass it, getting outmaneuvered by Harry Reid, and then having to filibuster his own bill. Because he didn’t actually want his own bill to pass.

Because My Friend, the Tortoise from Kentucky was just grandstanding on the floor of the world’s greatest deliberative body.

Because Mitch McConnell is terrible”, says me. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood is Reverse Racist

Good morning, you pitiful peons!

If you haven’t heard, Chris Brown is a talentless scumbag pop “singer” with a predilection for violent behavior, including that time he famously beat up his girlfriend and fellow pop superstar Rihanna.

Recently, Mr. Brown has been repeatedly and publicly mocked by Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5), a very talented comic writer and possibly the funniest woman on Twitter. To say that Young Master Brown did not take kindly to these remarks would be an understatement; the noted male pop diva eventually deactivated his Twitter account after promising to sexually assault Ms. Johnson with his feces, or something, in one of the more epic nuclear meltdowns in the history of that microblogging service.  [Read more…]

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