Happy Anniversary, Josh McDaniels!

lol later doods

lol later doods

Yes, you mindless sack, it’s your anniversary. Welcome to it. We’ve got some cupcakes over there, some champagne to celebrate. You don’t get to have any, because you are a fucking failure. A failure as a head coach, a failure as a person.

You’re a fucking doucheburger.

It was two years ago today that you were kicked to the fucking curb. Following the trading of a franchise quarterback, a franchise receiver, a very popular and allegedly hard-working scrappy runner, you replaced all of them with players who were not better, not close to better, in fact much worse. Then, in a move that will be remembered as the final nail in your coffin, you managed to completely shit the bed by taping a 49ers practice in London, kicking off a scandal that embarrassed the team, its owner, and its fans.

Nevermind that the team was a consistent threat to win the division every year prior to your arrival. Nevermind that the worst season in the last three decades came on your watch.

John Elway had to save us yet again from a fate worse than death when he sat in the EVP chair and started making decisions — good decisions — which positively affected the franchise after essentially weathering the storm you brought down upon it.

“Sure,” you say, “but did Elway draft Tim Tebow and Knowshon Moreno and trade a first for Alphonso Smith and give up a fourth for a blocking tight end who was rated as a 7th round prospect?” No, you twat, and that’s exactly the point.

Two years ago, the healing began.

Thank you, John Elway.

In the comments: Where were you the day Kennedy was shot McDaniels was fired?

Today’s a day for much celebration, and not just for shitcanning a terrible coach. No, December 5 has historical significance, for on this day in 1933, Prohibition ended.

See? Good day.

The Morning Wood: Peyton’s Place

Welcome back, Mr. Manning. You belonged here all along, and last night showed it. Yeah, a couple passes fluttered, and you threw a freak interception at the goal line that was tipped off Brandon Stokley’s shoulder pad, but otherwise you were spot on, and your big completion to Eric Decker on 3rd and 17 was positively inspired.

I am so, so happy that you’re a Bronco, and I cannot wait to see where you take this team.

And once again, Thank You, John Elway.

The sideshow is gone, this is a team again on the rise. A passing attack? A legitimate pass rush? We’d forgotten what those things looked like, but they’re both back now, and it’s a beautiful thing.

For more notes on the game, check out It’s All Over Fat Man‘s coverage. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: Be Who You Are

I had a massive takedown scheduled for today, but thanks to a late night with one Vincent Casablancas and a rare Colorado Rockies win (things are going to start happening now, kids!), I’m afraid all that information was lost to the gods of sleep and beer.

They’re my two favorite gods.

So the takedown will have to be shared another morning, because anything worth doing is worth doing right. So go easy. And look for something really special on Monday.

Links: [Read more…]

DDP Classic: Broncos Fans Get Rare Unity Opportunity

[Note: Denver Broncos training camp opens today at Dove Valley, and it’s perhaps the most anticipated camp opening since John Elway came back to go for his second straight Super Bowl championship. As such, we’re re-running a Classic DDP article about the arrival of Peyton Manning in Denver… and the hope that he can repair the breaches left by Jay Cutler, Josh McDaniels, Kyle Orton and Tim Tebow. Enjoy.]

It’s been stressful as hell to be a Bronco fan the last seven years or so. It’s rare that a place in flyover country makes national news on the regular with quarterback maneuvers and play, but Denver’s had lots of national attention for all the wrong reasons for, well, as far back as I can really remember.

Sure, everyone remembers McCutlergate, but it goes back farther than that. [Read more…]

Denver Broncos 2012 Preview: Part 2

Good morning, heathens! Did everyone get some good whiskey sleep last night? I know I did.

I’m not into wasting time, so let’s continue breaking down the rest of this schedule. If you’ll recall, yesterday we broke down weeks 1-6, right up to the bye week. It was brutal, but the team will come out of it okay at 4-2.  Today: Weeks 8-17, or what I affectionately call, “after six weeks of hell and a bye.” [Read more…]

Fare Thee Well, Timothy

The time to go has come.

It is expected that today, Denver’s flirtation with the heavens will come to an end, as Timothy Richard Tebow, the polarizing figure at the sharp point of the Denver Broncos’ resurgence in 2011, will likely be dealt out of town to make room for — depending on who you’re hearing from — Peyton Manning’s forehead or John Elway’s ego, or both.

The truth is much less interesting than that. [Read more…]

Cleveland, Rocked: The Drive at 25

The Drive - Cleveland - January 11, 1987I witnessed the first great miracle in modern times.

It was 25 years ago today. I was just a lad, age of 6, and I gained my first hero. And you always remember your first, whether it’s your first hero, your first kiss, or the first time you saw Alison Brie running.

Watching John Albert Elway drive down a frigid, mud-and-dog-bone covered field for a tying touchdown that day was when I came of age as a football fan — though the dick jokes wouldn’t come for a few years —  and the day the Denver Broncos were put on the map. [Read more…]

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