The Morning Wood: Rejoice

So. How’s everybody doing today? Everyone feeling lively and quick and definitely not hung over at all? Yeah, definitely me too as well.

Truth is, the faithful correspondents from Your Most Trusted Dick Joke Source® had a bit of a late night, what with all the nail-biting and the picture posing and the Gangnam Style-ing that happened over the last, oh, let’s call it 12 hours or so. Following Kenyan Usurper Barry Hussein Soetero NOBAMA’s glorious re-election to the highest office in the land, we danced and frolicked and wondered why we’d worried in the first place. We really had no reason to do so.

You know all that stuff about Lord Touch of Gray Mittens Hussein O’Romney being unlikable because he’s, like, a rich guy who holds down gay kids and shaves their heads to teach them a lesson and then fucking brags about it like some kind of… some kind of… guy who does shit like that? Know all that stuff about him being out of touch with REAL AMURRKA because his wife’s fucking dancing horse gets better healthcare than most humans we know? You remember how he said it wasn’t his problem to deal with half the fucking country? Yeah, that shit matters. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: Public Fisticuffs

… let’s just move on.

Your humble correspondent, as he will occasionally do, posted some factual assertions about one Paul D. “Eat the Poor” Ryan immediately following his ascension as running mate to Mexican Space Lizard from the Planet Kolob, horse enthusiast and occasional taxpayer Willard, Mittens of Romney. In this screed, what was written were the exact policy platforms that he has laid out during his 14 years sucking the government teat while simultaneously despising government in the US House of Representatives. None of these assertions were false. That they didn’t look very good written down is a reflection of the policies, not a reflection of me posting them.

But this is our Fox News climate, where everything is up for debate, truths become lies, facts become arguable, and people get fucking mad, man. [Read more…]

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