Make Every Sunday Count

You guys, I hope you’ll pay attention. Because this is important.

Last night was the final game of week four, and seeing that there are only 16 regular season games for each team in each season, we’ve now reached the point where you start to realize that our time with football is really short.

Really, painfully, horribly short, like my uh… yeah nevermind.

Soon, our Jay Cutlerfucker jokes won’t be funny, and no one will laugh at our #NoRomo hashtag on Twitter. We’ll have to cease with the Peyton NeckAIDS jokes, RG3-13 references, and calling Tom Brady an entitled fuckstain (whose life we would very much like to have).

Our chances to make fun of the Discount Double Check commercials are fleeting; let’s make some hay. (By the way, is Green Bay THAT shitty of a place that everyone on the Packers, as well as Green Bay natives, just hang out at the State Farm Insurance offices? Seriously? Food for thought.)

I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but the fact is that the end is extremely fucking nigh. We’ve got to make the most out of football season while we are locked in its warm embrace. We must tell it that we love it every chance we get, lest we reach the middle of January and left it wondering about our feelings.

“But Magic Sam,” you’re saying, “How do I make the most of my football experience before football is gone for another long offseason?”

I’m glad you asked, little shaver. I’m glad you asked. [Read more…]

Euro 2012: And Then There Were Eight


It is probably time for you to orient yourself towards St. James’ Gate, Dublin, assume the position, drink of the Blood of Christ Jameson and give thanks to Guinness and His prophet Smithwick (Praise Be Upon Him) that the quarterfinals of the Euro 2012 RAYCESSISM & fútbol pageant are set to begin (2:45 PM Eastern on ESPN).

What’s that you say? Your New Year’s resolution was to stop drinking in the morning, alone at your work desk? NO ONE ADHERES TO NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS, YOU SILLY FUCK. Just make sure you chew some gum to mask the smell of booze in case you’re called upon to do something productive, which is unlikely, because you are a meaningless vestigial organ of a corporate person.

So, the footballing wheat has been separated from the chaff, and only eight nations remain in this glorious competition. In the spirit of fair play, good, clean entertainment, and beautiful Eastern European women, WHO YA GOT? [Read more…]

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