The REAL List: Five In, Five Out of the NFL Playoffs

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other two football-interested parties on this here newsmagazine breezed through with their picks for the five-in, five-out parity machine that is the NFL Playoffs, and that was good. However, they were both wrong.

Here, now, I share with you the definitive list of the 2012-13 Playoff Ins and Outs for the NFL. You’re welcome in advance.

In: Kansas City Chiefs
The Chiefs are a much-improved squad, and should they happen to miss the AFC West title — which you might think is likely, since they finished last in the division last season — they could still finish 9-7 and grab a wild card slot. That’s exactly what I think will happen, with the Peyton Manning-led Broncos grabbing the AFCW crown for the second straight year, and the Chiefs sliding in (barely) in a weakened AFC field at the expense of…

Out: Pittsburgh Steelers
I know it’s become the trendy pick to say the Yinzburghers will be left out of this year’s playoff picture, but the facts behind everyone picking this to happen are pretty sound. Ben Roethlisberger’s best efforts come when he’s allowed to improvise, move in the pocket, and throw deep down field, which are three things that new Yinzers OC Re-Todd “Handshake” Haley isn’t comfortable with in his quarterbacks. Their offensive line, already the subject of many derisive posts from bloggers in their mom’s basements got worse with the season-ending injury to David DeCastro. And their defense is getting old and ineffective quickly. It wouldn’t surprise this reporter if Marvin James Harrison missed several games due to a combination of old age, karma and gaping asshole-ism. [Read more…]

Five In, Five Out: Casablancas Style

The NFL has achieved the dream of every professional sports league – unbridled parity. If the NBA had it, the Sacramento Kings would not be looking up and down both coasts for a new home. Should Major League Baseball ever achieve parity, the Pittsburgh Pirates wouldn’t be pursuing their first playoff berth since Andrew McCutchen’s fifth birthday, and if the NHL had it, people would watch. I will leave college football alone.

In honor to the well-conceived dreams of Peter Rozelle, Paul Tagliabue, and Roger Goodell, my five-in, five-out predictions: [Read more…]

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