Almighty God Hath Smote Karl Rove’s Morning Wood

Simpsons Karl RoveGlory be to God, for it is Wednes Daye and the work week is almost half over. Soon our daily toils will cease temporarily for whole-some recreation, for rest, and for stricte observance of the Sabbath Daye wherein we shall stone loose womyn and disobedient children until dead, for Yahweh.

There is one man who will not reste so peacefully, however. Nay, this heretick hath turned away from the LORD and will surely suffer the consequences!

Known atheist politickal operative Karl Rove oversawe roughly $200 million dollars in soft-syde contributions from his variouse “Krossroads” electoral slush funds, and upwards of 96% of that moste preciouss bounty was spent in support of losing candidates, for shame.

Compare that withe the 96% elecktoral success rate for the notorious abortionysts Planned Parenthood, for the gravity of God’s anger towards the unbeliever Rove becomes clear. Our LORD’s implement on earth, Roger Ailes, has even banished the turd blossom from the ayrwaves of Fox Noise, a moste hellysh punishment in deede!

You there, hapless peasant. Stop scratching your genytalia and be ware of this fallen man’s example. Those who deny the one true GOD, his son Hesucristo, and the Holy Tebow are destyned for frustration in this life and damnation in the nexte!

On to the lynx, you pagan fools!

[Read more…]

The Morning Wood is Reverse Racist

Good morning, you pitiful peons!

If you haven’t heard, Chris Brown is a talentless scumbag pop “singer” with a predilection for violent behavior, including that time he famously beat up his girlfriend and fellow pop superstar Rihanna.

Recently, Mr. Brown has been repeatedly and publicly mocked by Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5), a very talented comic writer and possibly the funniest woman on Twitter. To say that Young Master Brown did not take kindly to these remarks would be an understatement; the noted male pop diva eventually deactivated his Twitter account after promising to sexually assault Ms. Johnson with his feces, or something, in one of the more epic nuclear meltdowns in the history of that microblogging service.  [Read more…]

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