Fail To the Redskins, Episode Eleventy Billion

Everyone’s favorite National Felon League laughingstock, the Warshington Redskeeins, soared to new heights of craptitude this weekend by taking out three first mortgages and a second mortgage to play a $50 million game of roulette, betting the house on black (THASS RAYCESS!) quarterback Robert Griffin, a gifted athlete, noted gentleman, and the greatest scholar in the history of Baylor University, situated in scenic Waco, Texas.

It’s an extraordinarily risky maneuver, even for an organization known for splashing the cash. Whereas they once pissed away their salary cap space on failtards like Deion Sanders, Adam Archuleta, Brandon Lloyd, and Fat Albert Haynesworth, the Skeeeeeins will now pray to Sweet Baby Jesus that Young Master Griffin can lead them to the promised land, i.e. out of the cellar.