The Morning Wood Calls a Bluff

Remember yesterday? Nah, me either. But it was a big day, yesterday. Lots of things happening. We reported on the Romney/Ryan campaign stop at Red Rocks on a picture perfect, warm Colorado night in October, and we told you about Donald Trump’s “bombshell” that wasn’t a bombshell at all, but was really more of a warm fart in a cold church.

To each his own, I guess.

Well, we were very impressed with Sir Mittens’ ability to get Kid Rock to play “music” for the old people in attendance, and extremely impressed he managed to get 12,000 people off the couch and up the hills to Red Rocks for a political rally! Obviously, the tide has turned and we will see glorious return to American superiority under a President Romney starting early in the morning on November 7th, because as the saying goes, “as big crowds at Red Rocks go, so goes the nation.” Or something like that.
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This Morning Wood Was Built By A Government Program

Sometimes, you just need a government program to accomplish something which otherwise never would have happened.

Do you see that statue? That’s called “The CCC Worker,” and it’s stationed near the upper lot of the Red Rocks Amphitheater in Morrison, Colorado. It’s a beautiful piece of bronze, overlooking the park, famous concert venue and, further east, the city of Denver. And it represents an idea. An idea that when we need it the most, great things can be built at the behest of our government that improve life, not just for the citizens of a given city, but also for the lives of the workers who get jobs for a long-term project.

The plaque which adorns the statue says this:
“CCC Worker”
Erected in 2004 by Chapter 7, NACCCA
in cooperation with the City and County of Denver.
Dedicated in honor of the 3 million workers
who served in the Civilian Conservation Corps
from 1933 to 1942 and to those members of
Co 1848, SP-13-C, Morrison, Colorado
who were the builders of this
Red Rocks Amphitheatre from 1936 to 1941.

“What an obscure thing to bring up, Sam,” you’re saying. “What does this have to do with anything?” Great question.

Last night, there was a rally at Red Rocks Amphitheater for the Romney/Ryan campaign, featuring Kid Rock and some generic “we’ll put a boot in yer ass” country music “stars.” And the place was packed with about 10,000 Denver-area Republicans, none of whom seem to understand the irony of a situation where they’re chanting about how they “built that” while a statue overlooks the spectacle saying, in effect, “No, you didn’t. The Government did.” [Read more…]

Mitt Romney To Debut New Operating System at Presidential Debate Wednesday

(DENVER) – When former Massachusetts governor Mitt Romney takes the stage at the University of Denver this evening for the first of three debates with incumbent president Barack Obama, he won’t just have flagging poll numbers on his mind, he’ll have a new mind altogether.

After a recent series of excruciating gaffes and awkwardly timed “ha ha ha”s, concerned technical advisors to the Romney campaign discovered a fatal glitch in the empathetic modular programming within the GOP nominee’s proprietary neural network. According to several sources, senior campaign staff hastily convened a stress test of Romney’s silicone brain and determined that the candidate’s entire operating system was unstable and risked catastrophic failure if Romney was presented with a substantive question or other challenge to his pre-programmed talking points. [Read more…]

Morning Wood: Monday, 1 October 2012

Good morning, troglodytes. Mondays are dumb, like Honey Boo Boo Child dumb, and I don’t want any part of it so I’m going back to bed. In the meantime, please do peruse the morning links below and put Type O Negative’s October Rust album on heavy rotation, for freedom.


Thirty-six days remain until the 2012 presidential election, which is without a doubt the single most important election in American History, until the next one. The campaign of the Mexican aristocrat W. Mitt Romnero is on life support, down in the polls in almost every state the Mittster simply has to win to reach the magic 270 electoral college votes.

But that’s okay you guys, because according to Chris Christie, the gluttonous Governor-General of Her Majesty’s New Jersey, this campaign hasn’t really started! That’s right, Mitt Romney’s constant fuckups and “47% of Americans are degenerate leeches” video don’t matter because no one pays any attention to presidential elections until the debates anyway.

How very, very convenient for the Romney camp! [Read more…]

Morning Wood and Personhood

They’re back, you guys. And they’re totes bringing petitions for you to sign.

It seems the Personhood folks of Colorado, right wing nutjobs who care nothing for people already living who can’t afford anything, are back despite three defeats in three election cycles (or what’s commonly referred to as “a mandate” or “being soundly beaten like a fucking drum”) and wanting to force women into back alleys to get illegal abortions from Dr. Nick Riviera instead of having access to a clinic wherein they could get a safe, outpatient procedure.  Because FREEDUMB.

It’ll get on the ballot. We know that. It always manages to get on the ballot, even with the required 86k that it takes to get there. The Personhood folks say they’ve got 112,000 signatures, and of course there’s the matter of Republican Secretary of State Scott Gessler there to approve it on the ballot. Because of course he will.

(It should be noted that two Republican Representatives, Mike Coffman and Cory Gardner, have not yet voiced their support for the amendment as they both did in 2010. Threats are already coming from the Right To Life people, saying that if they backtracked, “they’d be shooting themselves in the foot.” Better than the eye, I suppose.)

But when the same measure failed in 2010 — 70% of the electorate was opposed to it — one has to wonder where the endgame lies for these people. They’ve been doing this same song and dance for ages now, it never goes over, nobody ever buys in, but they keep collecting signatures, keep running ballot measures, keep getting destroyed in the voting booth.

They’re like the Washington Generals. Common sense is the Harlem Globetrotters.

Look, I get it. If I was ever in the situation where my girl and I were considering an abortion, we’d have a very tough choice on our hands. But that’s the whole thing. It would be OUR decision. And that’s the way it should be, and it seems most people (to the tune of 70%, even in a socially conservative election cycle) agree.

I hate to be this cynical, but it makes you wonder if the Personhood folks put forth this farce every two years, raising crazy amounts of money in between, for their own good, not for the good of the “movement,” whatever that looks like. I don’t know that they are, I just know that’s what could be going on.

And that’s the best Fox News/Breitbart impression I can do. It’s an absolute killer at parties. [Read more…]

Being Inside: Part One of Our Look At Guns, Mental Illness and Colorado

I don’t remember much about Monday, July 16, 2007 before about 2:25 in the afternoon. I was at my desk in one of the offices on the first floor of Colorado’s venerated State Capitol, a late 19th century wonder of cast iron, gold, and ornate woodwork. People seem to be affected most by the delicate layers of gold leaf that adorn the dome, but in your correspondent’s estimation the real pièce de résistance is the marble at the base of the Corinthian columns that support the walkways of the upper floors. They employ the entire known supply of Colorado Rose Onyx, a rare marble from Beulah, southwest of Pueblo.

The interior of the Capitol is cavernous, owing to the interior halls of the building being open up to the very roof of the structure. It’s a memorable public space, especially to anyone who might find his or her self on the third floor with a sudden-onset case of vertigo. Interior architecture as metaphors of public transparency and the smallness of one’s own self and interests, subordinated to the awesome scale and grandeur of the people and their elected representatives.

That’s the effect it had on me anyway, a political newbie and very small cog in the machine of the new Governor’s administration. The people who craft a living from affecting the course of public policy are by now probably numb to the whole thing, taking it for granted the way that I scarcely even now notice the majestic continental divide that unfolds in the views to the west. 
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The Cockpunch: Newsroom Edition

The only reason I ordered HBO was to watch The Newsroom, Aaron Sorkin’s second take on the world of broadcast news (the first being the too-short-lived and very, very good SportsNight, which aired for three seasons on ABC), so when the reviews came out and they were… uh… let’s just call it “less than glowing with praise,” I was disappointed.

I didn’t need to be.

Sure, the dialog is more like a series of monologues, and some of the characters are a bit overwrought with grief about the death of the teevee newses in this country, but some of that was legit; everyone who ever got a degree in journalism had some of that idealism when they started. And sure, the lead character Will McAvoy, played quite well by our old favorite Jeff Daniels, in the opening scene laments the death of an America that never was, to wit:

Overall, this is a good show. The casting is sublime and well-thought, though I feel Sam Waterston’s part could have been played a bit more effectively by someone else — not unlike how I felt about Robert Guillaume in SportsNight. And while pontificating in the news room or holding an anchor ransom over communications between the control room and the studio is not something that happened, ever, and certainly not with 20 seconds to air, the show delivers on its primary purpose, which is to give a bit of a “what it’s like” to folks who have never been in a newsroom.

I sincerely don’t understand the furor. It’s a television show. It’s there for entertainment, not to be a teevee news making simulator. Christ, just watch it and shut up, or don’t watch it and shut up.

Of course, Dan Rather wrote this better than I ever could have. He’s seen more newsrooms than those bloggers who spent the better part of next week ripping Aaron Sorkin and his new show.

On to the links: [Read more…]

Learn How To Fly, Rubes; Why Air Travel is the Worst


Old couple in front of me in line for security as I attempt to hold on to my last shreds of sanity.

Young couple with a toddler and an infant and another one on the way.

Dude with WAY too many devices (may or may not include your humble correspondent).


Get. The fuck. Out. Of my way. You silly fucks. [Read more…]

The Last Night of the Republican Majority

It took legislative acrobatics, two hours of recess by Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty (R-Perdition), then assignment to his pet “kill committee” on the first day of special session, to finally kill off a popular measure that he knew would be a loser for him personally. Shit, even The Denver Post got it right, and they’re the most wantonly obtuse members of the fifth estate that we’ve ever heard of.

We have made no secret of our disdain for Mr. McNulty and his personal crusade to kill civil rights in this state, but yesterday his hyperbole took a drastic turn towards the comedic. Away from Civil Rights Boulevard and right on up Crazypants Alley. [Read more…]

Something, Something, SANTORUM

OH HOLY frothy mixture of CRAP, blood, lube, and man-paste you guys!

Just when everyone (including your faithful correspondent) thought that the Mexican Space Lizard W. Mittens Romney had the GOP nomination all but wrapped up, the Senator for the National Man-Boy Love Association Vatican, Rick #Santorum, just had to go and make things interesting again. UGH, THE NERVE OF SOME PEOPLE!

Rick Santorum is not an intelligent man but he is cunning, and that may be just what Amerika needs after four years of ivory ebony tower academic intellectual elite godless secular rationality occupying Das Whitehaus. Short on cash and librul media attention, Mr. Santorum’s campaign de-emphasized Florida and jumped ahead to Minnesota, Missour-ah, and Colorado to organize the drooling automatons of the “values” community into lean, mean, caucusing machines. It was a brilliant strategy to grab the spotlight and, if Mr. Santorum prays even longer and harder than he does to be cured of TEH GAY, could even procure some sorely needed fundraising dollars.

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