Morning Wood Replaced by Morning Wood

Well, that didn’t take long.

Three weeks, 48 regular season games, countless fuck-ups, tons of hand-wringing, justification for bad officiating from the darkest corners of Afrika the internet and sports talk radio, excuse-making by the league, a South Park parody (more on that in a moment), and only one game where the outcome was decided by the referees and not the players on the field.

Whew! It’s over! (For non-sports fans — WHY ARE YOU HERE? — click HERE.)

This should be a celebratory moment, but I’d like to take a few seconds and just expand on an idea I had the other day.

Fuck you, Roger Goodell. Fuck you right in the pants. Fuck you up to your gingery fucking hair. Fuck you sideways with a chainsaw. Fuck. You. [Read more…]

NFL Replacements and Religious Devotion to Ideology Collide

I got into such a big argument last night, you guys. I was just minding my own business at my home The Spot, watching the Green Bay/Seattle “clash” (I put it in quotations because JESUS CHRIST WHAT A TERRIBLE GAME) and eating a burger when a debate opened up.

In this corner, your hero, a dick joke enthusiast with a career life record of 121-122-3, representing the merits of having NFL officials who know the rules and can actually pontificate upon them (note: DOES NOT MEAN URINATE OR DEFICATE; don’t need an “Alanis Morrisette – Ironic” issue happening here), a believer in the idea that sometimes the people who know what they’re talking about actually do know what they’re talking about, the FOOL-ah from Mis-SOULA, MAGIC SAM!

And in the far corner, wearing dark jeans with white tennis shoes, an unfortunate mustache, and a face that looks alternately like the surface of the moon and your correspondent’s ballsack, neighbor to your correspondent, The Jolly Rodger Bill-Dodger, JIM, SOME GUY IN A BAR!

The Bunk has asked me on numerous occasions why I insist upon arguing with the mouth-breathers in online comments sections and message boards. The fact is, I enjoy it. I like revving them up, making them spin, pissing them off to a point where their points get lost in translation because they’re just so damn angry. But last night, it was something different.

You see, I learned something last night. And this something I learned put the entire NFL referee situation into perspective for me. Inadvertently, it put everything else in perspective too; from politics to team rooting interests. [Read more…]

Everyone Knows You’re Horrible: NFL Replacement Refs Leave a Lot to be Desired


I’d love to be writing about the Denver Broncos this morning. About how their starters looked as good as I could have hoped for, about how the depth is… non-existent, and how if anyone gets hurt on this team, the Broncos will be left to wander though the desert with Moses and Tebow.

I’d love to talk about the team playing with an actual gameplan and looking great. I’d like to talk about Peyton Manning looking like the Peyton Manning of old, slinging the ball all over the yard and throwing receivers open en route to 10/12 passing for two touchdowns  and getting out of the game before the end of the first quarter. I’m itching to praize Jeebus for ERIC FACKIN’ DECKAH, the recipient of both of Peyton’s TD passes, but that might just be the ol’ Saigon Rose flaring up.

In any case, DECKAH is the new WELKAH for a new GENARRAYSHAN. NO ONE DENIES THIS!

We could talk about the upcoming cuts for the Broncos, some of which aren’t going to be as tough as I initially thought since our backups look absolutely abysmal.

I’d love to talk about any of this. But I won’t. I can’t, because I have to get something off my chest first.

/removes sports bra

There, that’s better. Now, we’ve GOTTA talk about this replacement referee situation, you guys. [Read more…]

%d bloggers like this: