The Morning Wood: Denial Edition

He still doesn’t get it.

We really honestly and truly did not expect to be writing about one W. Mittens Romney again in this space, at least not for a while, until he decides it’s still “his turn” and reinvents himself — AGAIN — to be what he thinks voters want from a President of Central Casting.

But His High Lord Hairgel, Captain Haircut, Lord Just For Men, King Touch of Gray, just cannot stay out of our hearts and minds for very long. Don’t call it a comeback! [Read more…]

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The Morning Wood is Sincere

We get accused of a lot of things here at this little Dick Joke Emporium you’ve come to love tolerate. “The editors are extremely bright, handsome and talented.” True. “That Bowtie guy is a centrist Democrat; I think he’s putting me on.” VERY true, even if he doesn’t know it. “Mlle. Bébé Gottbach – Ph.D is the hottest thing since sliced bread.” Yep.

But one thing you could never accuse the members of this site of is being insincere.

It’s a trait that we — all of us — share with our newly re-elected President, Mr. Barack Hussein Nobama Soetero Benghazi A-La Mutombo.

That was brought into stark relief last night, as I finally saw the video that had been flying around the interwebz for a few hours and is likely everywhere today. [Read more…]

Debating The Morning Wood

It’s a big day for us in the Mile High City, what with the Presidential Debate coming to town at The University Named For Our City But Really For Rich Folk of Denver tonight. Everyone’s excited to be part of such a historic destruction of Mitt Romney, who has been practicing his zingers in debate prep all week. Nothing like a well-rehearsed zinger, right George Costanza? What could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, all hilarious joking aside, we really are excited to have the debates come to town. It gives us a chance to really be part of the Presidential election, which is cool, and since Colorado is a swing state and still somehow up for grabs (we must have a lot of angry white males around), there’s a big rally today prior to the debate for President Obama. I’m going; should be rowdy. And then tomorrow I’m accompanying one of the greatest wine writers in the world the city to check out an Obama rally on Thursday morning. These are heady times, bros.

So, lots happening. Let’s get to the links. [Read more…]

Morning Wood and Personhood


They’re back, you guys. And they’re totes bringing petitions for you to sign.

It seems the Personhood folks of Colorado, right wing nutjobs who care nothing for people already living who can’t afford anything, are back despite three defeats in three election cycles (or what’s commonly referred to as “a mandate” or “being soundly beaten like a fucking drum”) and wanting to force women into back alleys to get illegal abortions from Dr. Nick Riviera instead of having access to a clinic wherein they could get a safe, outpatient procedure.  Because FREEDUMB.

It’ll get on the ballot. We know that. It always manages to get on the ballot, even with the required 86k that it takes to get there. The Personhood folks say they’ve got 112,000 signatures, and of course there’s the matter of Republican Secretary of State Scott Gessler there to approve it on the ballot. Because of course he will.

(It should be noted that two Republican Representatives, Mike Coffman and Cory Gardner, have not yet voiced their support for the amendment as they both did in 2010. Threats are already coming from the Right To Life people, saying that if they backtracked, “they’d be shooting themselves in the foot.” Better than the eye, I suppose.)

But when the same measure failed in 2010 — 70% of the electorate was opposed to it — one has to wonder where the endgame lies for these people. They’ve been doing this same song and dance for ages now, it never goes over, nobody ever buys in, but they keep collecting signatures, keep running ballot measures, keep getting destroyed in the voting booth.

They’re like the Washington Generals. Common sense is the Harlem Globetrotters.

Look, I get it. If I was ever in the situation where my girl and I were considering an abortion, we’d have a very tough choice on our hands. But that’s the whole thing. It would be OUR decision. And that’s the way it should be, and it seems most people (to the tune of 70%, even in a socially conservative election cycle) agree.

I hate to be this cynical, but it makes you wonder if the Personhood folks put forth this farce every two years, raising crazy amounts of money in between, for their own good, not for the good of the “movement,” whatever that looks like. I don’t know that they are, I just know that’s what could be going on.

And that’s the best Fox News/Breitbart impression I can do. It’s an absolute killer at parties. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood and Myths of Obamacare

Holy shit, that is RAYCESS.

Death panels! Armed IRS agents! On-demand abortion!

That’s right, folks. The new tax from Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama (more like NOBAMA, you feel me tea party?!??!??!!1ONE!!1) is going to bring all of these horrid chickens home to roost and probably a lot more, since the bill was longer than 4 pages and therefore something that a guy like Herman Cain couldn’t possibly read. When Cain is elected president, every bill will fit on the bottom of a Godfather’s Pizza box. For FREEDUMB.

This is why we must fight — continuously on the news, and especially in the chambers of Congress — to REPEAL the law and REPLACE it with something that we haven’t come up with yet.

All of the above brought to you by the GeeOhPee, bringers of hate and fear to the masses since a long fucking time ago. What could the Dems even THINK of countering with? [Read more…]

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