This Week in Trolling: The Scourge of Awful, Spammy, Stolen Online Content –

Back in the late 90s, a wide-eyed and hopeful teenager (me) watched this magical new thing — the Internet — grow up all around him. Suddenly, for the low cost of an AOL subscription (remember those 80,000 free hours discs that came in the mail?) and the use of a 56k modem, seemingly the entire world was at your fingertips. Information, sports scores, movie clips (that took forever to load), more pictures, Pam Anderson in (and out of) a bikini, email… it all spoke to a world much bigger outside my windows than I had previously experienced.

And the first time I ever used the Internet — in my Freshman year biology class at Manual High School in Denver — I was instantly hooked. I don’t remember the details of that day; some scientist somewhere had discovered something and we were discussing it with other teachers and students around the country in real time in something called a “chat room.” There was something so amazing about talking via computer to someone in another state, another country. Some people immediately took advantage of the anonymity of the internet and “became” the best version of themselves.

Around this same time, I had a paper due for my History class. And while my teacher and the subject matter were both favorites, I’d wasted entirely too much time on the internet (uh, learning things) and on the phone (talking to girls) [May not be a factual statement. -Ed.] and came up against the deadline for my paper on some ancient civilization. I turned to the internet, and I lifted, wholesale, entire passages of text, thinking I was the smartest guy in the world.

Of course, I was caught the very day I turned in my paper like the amateur I was. Apparently my teacher had Internet, too.

Sadly, the two worlds intersect now.   Sure, there’s the usual bombastic rantings of those who would have you believe they’re intellectual heavyweights or in flawless shape or could kick your ass if you happen to disagree with them about whether or not our Commander in Chief is a Muslim. But now they’re the same people who steal content from reputable sources and post it on their own sites or on content farms like Associated Content (now Yahoo! Contributor Network) or or eHow or

Steal content. Claim it as your own. Then make yourself sound like you know what the hell you’re doing.

[Read more…]

Dog Whistles

This is the only time Nazis should ever make you smile.

So I just got into this Twitter scuffle (I know, I know, I was bored) with this guy who compared progressives to the “Wehrsmacht” [sic].

I replied to him, “What is wrong with you that you think this is appropriate?”

So we have this whooooole exchange, where I point out that his use of “Wehrsmacht” is nothing more than a reference, however indirect, to Nazism, and that is totally inappropriate.*  He explains that NO, he wasn’t trying to evoke the specter of Nazi Germany. He was, in fact, comparing Walker’s recall victory in Wisconsin to (this is a quote) “Arracourt as a summer prelude to Adennes [sic].”


The average American doesn’t know the capital city of more than maybe 3 states of the US. Unless they’re some crazy Time Life WWII nutter, they’ve never heard of Arracourt OR Ardennes! Furthermore, WHICH ARDENNES? The Battle of Ardennes in 1914?! Or 2007’s Operation Ardennes in Iraq?! No, he was actually referring to the Offensive of Ardennes (only really called that by the Germans, btw. Everyone else calls this The Battle Of The Bulge).

So my question remains, why use the word “Wehrmacht?”

Historical battle names aside, the word Wehrmacht only refers to ONE thing: the combined German armed forces between the years 1935 – 1945. Prior to 1935, it was called the Reichswehr. It was renamed Wehrmacht BY THE THIRD FUCKING REICH. After WWII, the Allies and Germany again renamed the army to the “Bundeswehr.” So the ONLY POINT IN HISTORY at which the army was called the Wehrmacht was during Nazism.

So we return to the central points I made to this gobshite:  [Read more…]

Schadenfreude: lol Boston

Boston’s Manager:

Boston’s mascot:

Boston’s record:


Me, when thinking about Boston’s record:

Suck it, Boston.

Noted Shithead Andrew Breitbart Dies

*Invisible Cock*

What a shame. Seems like we were just getting to know what a pot-stirring dick burger Andrew Breitbart was, and he goes and does too much coke and dies right there in the street, like a fucking rat.

You know, I’m not one to celebrate the end of life for anyone. But I’m sure as shit not going to lionize someone for being a complete and total dickbag in public.

Some, however, have taken it upon themselves to insinuate that Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama had Breitbart rubbed out by his “Chicago mafia friends.” Because, the story goes, Breitbart had just announced that he had video of Obama from college which, depending on the person making the claim, showed him doing cocaine (a pretty bold card for noted powder hound Breitbart to level against anyone), celebrating the joys of communism, having gay sex (early sex tapes)  or clubbing pregnant women in the stomach.

Seems like that’s just the type of video you release immediately. You know, if you’re not a lying sack of shit and you actually are in possession of any tapes showing anything close to any of that.

Of course, Breitbartistas won’t hear of it. [Read more…]

This Week in Trolling, Brought to You by Thalidomide®

It’s time for the second installment of the long-running Daily Dickpunch exclusive known as This Week in Trolling, where we celebrate the people who thrive on treating Americans like morons.

When notified by his aides that Doug Lamborn (R-Colorado) would not be attending the State of the Union, Kenyan Prime Minister Barack Hussein Obama reportedly replied “Lulz, who the fuck is Doug Lamborn?”

A very good question indeed, you tricksy little hobbitses. If you happen to live near the godforsaken hellhole that is Colorado Springs, I present your representative for the Fighting Fifth Congressional District. Ha ha, sucks to be you!

Mr. Lamborn is known for having among the most partisan voting records in the modern history of Congress, earning a 100% legislative scorecard from the Union of Concerned Theocrats and making him by far the least interesting member of the House of Representatives. He ascended to the seat formerly held by 10-term representative Joel Hefley, the well respected former chairman of the House Ethics Committee who oversaw investigations of legendary nutballs like Jim Traficant and Tom DeLay. Oh, how CD-5 has fallen.

If Mr. Lamborn was merely an idiot, he would have STFU after clumsily using a racial epithet to describe Barry Obama’s role in the debt ceiling negotiations but no, the congressman is clearly striving to be the DeeCee Troll of the Year.

[Read more…]

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