These People Deserve Each Other

Not the United States.

In order to understand the latest Israel-Gaza conflict through the prism of the seemingly unending Arab-Israeli conflict, one need only turn to one of the most brilliantly concise explanations ever written: “It’s the latest version of the longest-running play in the Middle East, which, if I were to give it a title, would be called, Two Groups of Racist Assholes Endlessly Killing Each Other.” Although Matt Taibbi was referring to the atrociously amazing writing of one Thomas Friedman, this should not obscure the point. If that sounds like flippant analysis, that’s because it is. It is flippant precisely because it is a meaningless fight between two deeply racist communities based entirely upon equal parts machismo, religiosity, stubbornness, tribalism and the ownership of a very specific number of arid, dry and generally useless square kilometers. Obviously it is not meaningless to the combatants, but it is (or at least should be) to Americans. [Read more…]

And Then on Friday, The Morning Wood LOLed at Tim Tebow

Oh, praise be to Allah and his prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) for it is Friday, our weekly day of coasting at work and getting schlitzed on moonshine. And not necessarily in that order.

The search term of the week is “Romney will abolish the Securities & Exchange Commission”. You heard it here first, folks.

To the links, you silly fucks! [Read more…]

Reince Priebus is the Tip of My Morning Wood

Reince Priebus, the weaselly little shit currently chairing the Republican National Committee, is a dick. Or has a dick for a nose. Or a dick for a tongue.

Either way, he’s fucking garbage.

This morning, we all woke to the news that a US Ambassador had been killed in action in Libya, when Muslim protesters scaled the walls of the American consulate in Benghazi. J. Christopher Stevens, the United States Ambassador to Libya, was one of three Americans killed in an attack precipitated by a movie that ridiculed Islam’s Prophet Muhammad. The movie was made, rather unsurprisingly, by Christians (who feel it is their duty to mock other faiths in order to make theirs look decent) and propagated by (who else?) a Christian pastor. If you guessed it was the same guy who called on everyone to burn the Qu’ran, you’d be right on the money!

This is, of course, bad news. It’s sad that someone lost his life for the actions of another, and it’s even worse that two others were also taken down.

The worst part? The worst part is making it into a political statement, and claiming something outrageous. Something like, “the President sides with attackers in Egypt. Sad and pathetic.” But no human would make SUCH a partisan statement, right? No human would say something like that before the dead bodies have even gone cold… right?

Wrong, Sam. Wrong.

@Reince: Obama sympathizes with attackers in Egypt. Sad and pathetic.

He really sent that! He really did!

No respect for the dead. None. No respect for the office he holds, or the office for which his candidate is running. Zero.

Resolved: Reince Priebus is a piece of shit.

But it gets better. So so so so so SO much better. [Read more…]

The Catholic Church: Putting the Fun in Fungible

[Editor’s Note: From time to time, we bring on new writers who want to share something about themselves and have something to say. Today is one of these days. Please meet our newest correspondent, Bebe’ Gottbach. Be gentle.]

I’m new here, so perhaps I should tell you a little bit about myself. I enjoy long walks on the beach at sunset, I’m all up inside federal and state level lady-bizness, and I really really hate the Catholic Church.

Yeah, that about sums me up.

Today I’ll be complaining (from the French complaise, which means to be correct whilst surrounded by fucking morons) about the recent twisting of soft, beringed hands about religious persecution. [Read more…]

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