An Essay on Rhetorical Greens: Should the Bohn Salad be Tossed?

You know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna pour another glass of wine and finish this god damn script. But you know what I’m gonna do before that? Procrastinate and give you a piece of my uninformed yet shockingly savvy CU Buff mind. How is this strange dichotomy possible you ask? Astute question, my cute little* Buff Fan.

It was bred into me, and no matter how many football games I ignored while shivering next to my dad at Folsom Field, I guess I absorbed something more than hot dogs and BeerSmell™, like this little tidbit: Paul McCartney knows what he’s talking about cause he’s been there, and he was pretty good at his job. Amazingly, same goes Bill McCartney.

Shocking, right? Here’s my two cents:

Seems a few of ya’ll think a bad couple seasons = bad coaching. How about we simplify things for you ladies? [Read more…]

The Last Candidate Standing

Dear Mike Bohn,

Since your impulsive and short-sighted decision to fire Jon Embree, my disillusionment with your leadership of the University of Colorado athletic program has grown by the hour.

Thus far, you have offered virtually no insight into the reasons for Embree’s firing other than:

  • It was your idea, conceived in isolation, over the course of the past week or so; and
  • The program trajectories were headed in the wrong direction.

I anxiously await some clarity of your analysis of the Embree era.  Frankly, I would settle for an acknowledgement that Embree was hired to make a U-turn in a sinking, archaic, Soviet-constructed battleship, that he was hired to do so as the lowest paid head coach in a BCS conference, and that the school failed to alleviate any of the unnecessary baggage it heaps on the desk of its head coach.  [Read more…]

The Candidates

The Glorious People’s Republick of Boulder

Day #3 of the aftermath of the Jon Embree firing is on the books in Boulder, and with the exception of some comments from university president Bruce Benson very few glimmers of clarity have been shared with Buff fans. The most important order of business remains – hiring a new head football coach to be the face of the wayward athletic department.

In consideration of the criteria that athletic director Mike Bohn has shared, your faithful correspondent is left to conclude that the only remaining realistic candidates are:

  • Utah State head coach Gary Anderson;
  • Fresno State head coach Tim DeRuyter;
  • San Jose State head coach Mike MacIntyre; and
  • Former California head coach Jeff Tedford.

Given Bohn’s stated objective that the new Colorado head coach has previous head coaching experience, it seems unlikely that the school will be interested in Washington defensive coordinator Justin Wilcox, San Francisco 49ers (and former Stanford) offensive coordinator Greg Roman, and Stanford defensive coordinator Derek Mason.

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The Time For Accountability Is Now

Before the University of Colorado can move forward with hiring a new head football coach, a lot of questions need to be answered. The primary one remains: What self-respecting candidate is going to be willing to take over this program?

Colorado just fired a lifelong Buff, and while tribal loyalty is not a good reason for maintaining a failed coach, it ought to justify giving the coach his rightful third year on the job. Embree was a great player and assistant coach for the University of Colorado, and he accepted a five-year contract (at a discount) to resuscitate his once proud program. Make no mistake – the program was in shambles upon Embree’s appointment as the 24th head coach in school history in December 2010.

Your faithful correspondent only wishes that these realities merited a third year at scenic Folsom Field. [Read more…]

Logan Is No Buffalo

The University of Colorado announced the firing of head football coach Jon Embree on Sunday evening.  I am not tuned into 850 KOA at the moment, but I imagine a multitude of local callers will share their strong conviction that the man to replace Embree is none other than KOA employee, high school football coach, and CU alum Dave Logan.

Dave Logan has led successful football programs at four area high schools (Arvada West, Chatfield, Mullen, and Cherry Creek).  He has won multiple state championships, hundreds of games, and coaching awards.  Prior to beginning his coaching career in 1993 Logan was an all-time great Buff and a successful NFL football player.  Today, he is the popular radio play-by-play voice of the Denver Broncos and a talk show personality on local radio.

The hiring of Dave Logan as the head coach of the Colorado football program would be a bigger mistake than firing Embree after only two seasons.  Despite his status as a successful high school coach and local legend, Logan lacks the requisite coaching, recruiting, and organizational experience to run the University of Colorado football program.

Logan’s resume does not add up to the necessary skill set required to lead a major Division I college football program, especially in the challenging conditions in the People’s Republic.   [Read more…]

The Buffaloes Roam, Again

A Division I college football coach deserves at least four years to turn around a moribund program, especially when living within the confines outlined by the same University of Colorado administration that deposed one of its own: former Buffalo tight end and now former Buffalo head football coach Jon Embree.

Colorado’s decision to fire Mr. Embree less than two full years after his hiring is abhorrent and short-sighted. Consider:

  • The conditions of the Colorado Buffalo football program at the time of Embree’s hiring were disastrous.  The program had not been nationally relevant for at least the previous five years, arguably longer;
  • The existing roster lacked both talent and depth;
  • The recruiting classes of the previous five years were generally failed, a result of poor talent evaluation, development, and retention;
  • The 28-member senior class of Embree’s first campaign lacked distinctive talent to lead the program into its augural season in the Pac-12; and
  • The eight-member senior class of Embree’s second and final season lacked just about everything that a successful college football program needs from its veterans.

The administration’s firing of Embree is a devastating blow to the near and long-term future potential of the program and a sad reflection of what has become of the Colorado Buffaloes. [Read more…]

The Morning Wood: Leftovers

Ha, ha, Thanksgiving just happened so you totally have leftovers in your fridge, you DICK! A variation of that is how nearly every blog post and article is going to start for you this morning; ready yourself.

Actually, there was much that happened this weekend we were all so thankful for the things we had and then threatened to stab people in line at K-Mart because they had something we didn’t, or got into fights over plastic crap, or got arrested. Special times, my dear Bros. America wins again. [Read more…]

Grizzlies Vs. Bears for Ursidae Supremacy

Bear attack!

Well, not really. The Montana Grizzlies (2-2) meet the Northern Colorado Bears (who cares? They’re terrible) at Nottingham Field in scenic (and awful, and smelly) Greeley, Colorado. These aren’t your Magic Sam’s Montana Grizzlies, accusations of a Program Out Of Control have cost the team players, a coach, and an athletic director, and the Griz find themselves outside of the top 25 of the FCS for the first time in 89 years, according to a statistic I just made up.

I will be there, along with The Bunk, Alan The Young, Vincent Casablancas (allegedly) and several others in our rarified rooting interest, cheering our Griz through the murky air, filled with the stench of cow droppings and beheaded cattle.

In other words, I can’t wait!

Will there be beer? Naturally. The finest 8 pack of Cold Smoke from Kettlehouse Brewing Co. in Missoula, along with a sixer of limited edition (and therefore delicious) Slow Elk Oatmeal Stout from Big Sky are my contributions to the meat-and-beer-fest we will be enjoying.

Will there be football? Yes, the Griz will play football, along with the closest approximation that the UNC Bears can come up with. I’m not anticipating much, but two years ago when I attended this game, they managed to keep it close.

For the first quarter of the first quarter, or so.

Prediction: Montana 41, UNC 10

After the jump for some pro-football betting lines and how to get yourself rich.

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The Cockpunch: LeBob Finally Wins Edition


It only took him nine years, and to be put into a big market with two other all stars and the best glue guy (Shane Battier) of the last 20 years, and to get almost every call possible on the way, but… sure, Congratulations, LeBob! You’ve proven that if you want something badly enough, and are willing to go to a team already stacked with talent while shunning the people and place that raised you, both as a human as a basketball player, good things can happen to you.

Imagine my relief. On to the links. [Read more…]

The Cockpunch: College Football Playoffs, Bitches! Edition

I… forgot what we were talking about.

If you’re any sort of fan of this here Newsmagazine, you know of the editorial staff’s desire for a true playoff in college football. I am particularly in favor of such a move, and I’ve written about it HERE.

Well good news, people: College football playoffs are coming, finally. And they’ve allegedly found a way to keep the crappy bowl games that we’re all so excited to watch. That’s right: The Bowl — played on a Tuesday morning at 6 Eastern in whatever is left of the Astrodome — isn’t going away. Rejoice.

This plan is not without its issues; when it begins (and it may begin this fall! EXCELSIOR!!!) it will only let four teams into the playoff, so the complaint is already being lodged by the left wing librul sports media conspiracy that those of us who complained about the BCS will still be complaining, only now we’ll be whining about the one or two “deserving” teams who are left out in the cold. It’s a fair assessment; I always believed that there should be six conference champs and two wild card teams, and four teams doesn’t exactly make me get a raging Tebowner.

But it is better. It is improvement. Progress. Will it ever progress past four teams? Not sure. I hope it does. But if four teams in a playoff is what we get, that gives us three games of awesome major college football playoffs and teams settling it on the field, hopefully avoiding a shitshow like last year’s National Championship Game. And hey look! Every game still matters!

On to the links. [Read more…]

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