Almighty God Hath Smote Karl Rove’s Morning Wood

Simpsons Karl RoveGlory be to God, for it is Wednes Daye and the work week is almost half over. Soon our daily toils will cease temporarily for whole-some recreation, for rest, and for stricte observance of the Sabbath Daye wherein we shall stone loose womyn and disobedient children until dead, for Yahweh.

There is one man who will not reste so peacefully, however. Nay, this heretick hath turned away from the LORD and will surely suffer the consequences!

Known atheist politickal operative Karl Rove oversawe roughly $200 million dollars in soft-syde contributions from his variouse “Krossroads” electoral slush funds, and upwards of 96% of that moste preciouss bounty was spent in support of losing candidates, for shame.

Compare that withe the 96% elecktoral success rate for the notorious abortionysts Planned Parenthood, for the gravity of God’s anger towards the unbeliever Rove becomes clear. Our LORD’s implement on earth, Roger Ailes, has even banished the turd blossom from the ayrwaves of Fox Noise, a moste hellysh punishment in deede!

You there, hapless peasant. Stop scratching your genytalia and be ware of this fallen man’s example. Those who deny the one true GOD, his son Hesucristo, and the Holy Tebow are destyned for frustration in this life and damnation in the nexte!

On to the lynx, you pagan fools!

Lamestream Media!
Laughable e-rag The Daily Caller and its bow-tied man-child publisher Tucker Carlson are soooo pissy right now you guys, because the official Twitter account of White House keeps featuring the President (B. HUSSEIN Obama) who happens to live in said White Haus and will continue to for the next 4.1 years.

Because he’s the reëlected President…

Because his opponent was terrible. It’s over Carlson, the bums lost.

Sexxxytime!
Good LAWD, you all were horny in 2012. Seriously, who takes nekkid pictures of themselves in the digital age, apart from pretty much everyone? Here’s a compilation of the year’s Great Moments in Sexting. You’re most welcum.

Crazypants!
You will NOT BELIEVE what one of Magic Sam’s ex-girlfriends* just did, deep in the heart of DARKEST TEXAS.

What say you, Senator Gracchus?
The United States Senate is an antiquated dysfunctional country club for oligarchs who would rather not see any productive change in this country, thank you very much. When your correspondent assumes the reigns of power subsequent to the violent Marxist revolution whose time will come sooner than you think, this institution will be dissolved and most of its members hanged by their toes.

In the meantime, the distinguished Senator from Nevada Harry Reid has promised to reform the extraconstitutional “filibuster”, a notorious trolling maneuver exploited by Senator Jefferson Beauregard Sessions of Bumblefuck, Alabama to block the Nobel Prize-winning economist Peter Diamond from being appointed to the Federal Reserve Board of Governors, because he was “not qualified”.

Jigga My N…evermind!
H to the izzo, V to the izzay, here’s a totally adorbz video of Jay-Z riding the subway with a nice old lady to his hippity-hop show at the Barclays® Center in scenic Brooklyn, NYCee.

*not intended to be a factual statement, possibly maybe.

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