The Morning Wood is Thankful for Something. Probably.

Good morning, Richards.

And so it was, after a weekend away with friends, watching my college football team lose at home to their chief rival, drinking far too much beer and puking up what was left of my stomach lining (after New Mexico red chile burned off the first layer), saying yes after a day of drinking high gravity beer to the question, “Hey, does anyone want some whiskey?” from an earnest and lovely young woman, and possibly being roofied, that I returned home to my flat fortified compound in south-central Denver.

To find no toilet paper. And my car with a flat tire.

Yep. This is my life.

Woof, you guys. Mitt Romney is not looking well, and may actually have the crazed look of a serial killer. Frankly, I’m just sort of amazed that he pumps his own gas.

Crazy sex person and alleged Congressman Allen West has finally conceded, sort of, after being run over by the idea that someone could possibly not vote for him. This is a good day for Kenyan usurpers everywhere.

This shit in the Middle East is getting straight up cray cray, yo. So much so that Our Next President, Ms. Hillary Rodham Clinton, is on her way to the war-torn strip on a peace envoy to try and stop the absurd levels of violence. We make a lot of jokes here, but seriously hoping for an end to this conflict as quickly as possible. Let’s try being human.

You’ll be happy to know that my fantasy football team lost yesterday on the strength of a one-touchdown game for Brandon Marshall (my guy), several kicks from Niners kicker David Akers (his guy), and my Chicago defense looking like the ’09 Broncos against a quarterback getting his first start for San Francisco. Also, too, Matt Ryan completely shitting the bed and looking downright Cutleresque while throwing five (5) picks. Oh, and also the Niners blew out the Bears.

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