The Morning Wood: Today Matters

And so. The end is here. And we must face the final curtain.

Today. The ads will end. And we can be assaulted instead with Christmas.

This season’s been long and distinguished. Distinguished like my Johnson.

And more, much more than this, I did it myyyyyyyyyyyyyy way.

I woke this morning a nervous wreck. Yeah, I’m ready, like you are, for the ads and the campaign to be over, but I’m nervous about the outcome. Sure, effeminate mathematics man-crush Nate Silver at FiveThirtyEight has the Kenyan Prime Minister Barack HUSSEIN Obama with a 92% chance of closing out this bitch tonight, but I’m still a wreck.

Thing is, there’s so much at stake here. So, so much. That I take heat from friends and family for my political views, my cursing on this very blog, is something I can handle. It’s something I expect.

But I do it in the service of a larger idea.

Making sure our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters have the same rights and accesses that I have. To little ideas like “happiness” and “security.”

Letting women make their own choices about healthcare, and letting that be a permanent status.

Returning from too many years of too much war to a more peaceful and just society.

Rebuilding our economy from the ashes of 2008, not on the back of another bubble, but in the right way. In an earnest and legitimate manner that allows real growth for everyone.

Allowing people to seek higher education opportunities without bankrupting themselves on the way.

Ensuring that people don’t go broke because they get sick with a curable illness.

Not giving a hand-out to those in need, but giving a hand up. Helping people to lift themselves.

Yes, I’ve made some enemies and we’ve had some laughs. We’ve made fun of Lord Touch of Gray Willard Mitt Romney, the Money Badger, His High Lord Hairgel, Sir Mittens of Romneyshire, and we will likely continue to do so; Republicans, after all, are skygod’s great gift to the comedians of this world. But tonight is where that work, those laughs, those friendships, pay off.

Or don’t.

Go vote. Drive someone to the polls. Make a phone call. Knock on a door.

What you do today matters.

Ol’ Barry was in Iowa last night, making his final plea to the people in the Corn and Soup Hawkeye State, where his 2008 campaign first got its Mittmentum momentum in the Iowa Caucuses and launched his campaign on an upward trajectory towards the White House and four years which, when you look at them, were actually pretty good, especially when compared to the four which preceded them. He teared up. Likely due in part to exhaustion, this would be his final campaign speech in his final campaign. He was looking over the crowd of people who have given their time, their energy, their enthusiasm, to make sure the ideas he espouses have a chance to take root. And he was grateful.

Of course, Barry wasn’t the only one on the trail. Mitt made his final plea in Ohio and New Hampshire and Pennsylvania yesterday, urging people to ignore the fact that his policies have no basis in reality, don’t add up mathematically, and just vote for the guy who knows how business works. Because business and government are the same, you see. Why stand up to facts when you can just ignore them? He’ll create jobs because FREEDOM and LIBERTEE, his tax plan adds up because he says so, and if he sticks feathers up his butt, he becomes a chicken. Magic.

Ultimately, a vote for Romney is a vote for cynical-as-shit politics and low-information voters. Huzzah.

Local Politicals!
Whoops! Colorado Secretary of State Scott Gessler (R – UR ANUS) seems to have found a spot of trouble based on misuse of official funds. Remember, y’all: This is the moron who thought he could should be able to keep his job at a partisan law firm specializing in election law while working as Secretary of State because the SoS gig didn’t pay enough. So. Yeah. He’s a piece of shit. And he was a piece of shit before he started disappearing voter registrations through his magical computer system! What a douchebag!

I wonder what prison is paying these days.

That’s it for this morning. Get out and vote.


  1. […] published at on November 6th, 2012: Election […]

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