In Defense of Mitt Romney, or “The Breakup”

[Editor’s Note: Like you, we were astonished to learn that there are real live Republicans out there who read this filthy blog. One of them was brave enough to weigh in and speak up for his man W. Mitt Romney. Be nice to him, you rabid libruls.]

Have you seen 2006’s “The Breakup?”  Yeah, me neither.  From what IMDB tells me, and certainly not because I’ve watched the movie personally, this tour-de-force demonstrates how terrible, awkward and troublesome a breakup is.  Vince Vaughn stars as, well, “Vince Vaughn as a Chicago tour-guide” and Jennifer Aniston is his patient, cultured art gallery curator.  As I was watching this movie I realized that this movie ultimately reflects the important choice this country faces on Tuesday.

Jennifer Aniston is America – well-intentioned, responsible, optimistic.  She falls in love with Vince Vaughn, our illustrious community-organizing, basketball-playing, enthusiastic leader, because he’s nothing like anyone she’d dated before.  (Based off the movie’s opening scene in Wrigley Field and 230 years of American presidents)  Aniston and Vaughn hit it off, so they make it official and move in together.  Here’s when the hilarity instability begins.

Vaughn makes a series of promises he comically can’t keep – buying the wrong number of lemons, playing video games before cleaning the kitchen, etc. – and slowly Aniston loses patience.  Encouraged by his buddy Jon Favreau, Vaughn wants to put a pool table in the condo, when Aniston doesn’t think there’s space.  In the movie’s signature exchange, Aniston tells Vaughn that all she wants is for him to want to do the dishes.  (I know, guys, right?)  Vaughn’s response:  “Why would I want to do dishes?”  Of course, they split but can’t sell their condo quickly, so they are compelled into hysterical joint tenancy for the duration of the movie.  As Americans, we’re fortunate to have another option than forced cohabitation.

President Obama has overpromised and underdelivered.  The list of failures is long and varied – decreased federal spending, a smaller federal deficit, comprehensive immigration reform, a “post-partisan” presidency, national security, financial sector reform, economic stability, and improved standing around the world, among many others.  Most glaring, however, has been the President’s failure to improve the economy, specifically with regard to America’s unemployed; his predilection to blame President Bush (imperfect in his own right) is small and inappropriate for someone with as much to offer as Obama does.  To extend the above analogy, the pool table is Obamacare, a behemoth of government regulation that Americans didn’t want and aren’t keen to keep, and Jon Favreau’s role has been filled comically (think “groan” not “haha”) by Joe Biden.  The Obama presidency brought so much promise, so much hope, but even the President has acknowledged that he can’t change Washington.  What has the President shown – not promised, outlined or orated – shown the American people to deserve a second term?  Not even close.

As if this weren’t enough, America has a much better choice.  Mitt Romney is the leader that America needs right now, to address the critical issues facing our economy and our people.  A bipartisan governor and a turnaround specialist in the private sector, Romney is almost custom-suited for quieting partisan squabbles and repairing a broken economy.  He understands what it takes to get Americans back to work – energy independence, investing in small business, spending cuts, training programs – and he has a long history of turning failure into success.  With 23 million Americans out of work and twice that many on food stamps, this nation needs a new economic direction.  Mitt Romney is the man to lead us down that new path.

While there are other crucial issues facing this nation and its president at this moment, economy is unquestionably the most important.  There might be issues on which Mitt Romney is not the ideal candidate – this is a reflection of our political system, not a reflection on Mitt Romney, the person.  He is a devoted family man, a leader in his spiritual community, and a committed public servant.  Attacks on Romney’s character will fall short, as he is the leader that America deserves.

Americans have clearly seen that Mitt Romney is ready for the job, and his recent surge is an indication that this election is closer than anyone in the President’ camp wants to admit.  President Obama has treated Americans like a selfish, free-riding boyfriend – making promises that he can’t keep, doing things that we don’t want, and spending money that we don’t have.  With a well-qualified and eager candidate waiting in the wings for a chance at the job, on Tuesday, it’s time that America breaks up with the President.


  1. Just remember, your righteous party made it their only goal to get Obama out of office, that’s it, that’s the goal, not deal with this economic crisis. So yeah, blame Obama for not getting it done, but come on!, at least be honest the the GOP deserves a great deal of blame. Your piece seems lifted from a Romney/Ryan political ad.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: