The Morning Wood and The Simple Joy of Quiet Bye Weeks

I can’t stand the bye week idea in the NFL for a lot of reasons. The idea of bye weeks is to let teams have a weekend off during the season to recover some injured players, get a struggling team back on track, maybe fire a defensive coordinator when the real problem is your offense turning the ball over every week and your quarterback’s steadfast refusal to slide and save his smaller frame from injury.

So yes, Virginia, I get the point, but suffering through a weekend in which I know my team simply will not play is brutal, combined with the bye attrition that comes with my fantasy team (I’m going to lose by a thousand points this weekend, you guys, and it has everything to do with having 7 guys on a bye. That’s half my fucking team), and I’m not a happy boy for much of the weekend. I’d rather the league give two bye weeks — one for each half of the league — in the middle of the season. You’d avoid the random “team with a week 3 bye,” which is fucking stupid, and “team coming off the bye absolutely destroying a non-bye-having team because they had two weeks to prepare and are far fresher at key positions” issues.

Mostly, I’m just whining. About my fantasy team. Sorry about that.

Anyway, with the utter destruction in San Diego that the Broncos handed out to the Chargers on Monday night, creating more questions for a team already rife with them, this bye week is a lot sweeter than most have been. Oakland is in free-fall; they’re a bad team with a rookie head coach, low talent, and an insane fanbase. Kansas City has maybe the worst quarterback controversy in the history of ever, with Brady Quinn (ugh) and Matt Cassel (UGHHHHHHHH) battling it out for the top spot on another bad team where the fans are threatening an Arab Spring-type revolt. Yowza.

Meanwhile, the Broncos’ Dove Valley headquarters are placid like a spring day, fishing on the glasslike surface of a mountain lake. There’s no quarterback controversy, Tim Tebow and (most of) his insane followers have disappeared into the abyss of the Jets refusing to put him on the field because of his inability to throw the ball.

In Denver? No such problems here. We’ve got Peyton Manning. We’ve got a .500 record after one of the most brutal schedules in the league. The Broncos Super Bowl Vegas odds jumped this week from 24/1 to 12/1, making Denver — gasp! — something of a favorite.

This is the team that backed into the playoffs last year, going 0-3 down the stretch, including two games, against Buffalo (where Teebs threw two pick-6s) and Kansas City (a massive 3 point output by the offense, AT HOME) where the team looked listless, leaderless, rudderless, and any other -less you can think of. They were horrid.

This is the team that was an absolute circus sideshow last season, embarrassing long-time fans of the organization and city who saw the argument devolve into a “well you just hate him because of religion and Jesus and you’d be so so happy if he was all tatted up and getting arrested every other week” absurdity versus “you just like him because of Jesus, and Jesus couldn’t throw a football either.”

In other words, the 2012 season is a welcome change. I can’t even imagine how great John Elway feels about it now that the team is competitive in every single game and can actually throw the ball again. It’s been magnificent.

Peyton Manning was named the AFC’s Offensive Player of the Week for his San Diego performance, and it was well-deserved. It was also the 22nd time he’d won the award in his career, an NFL record.

So, in this NFL bye week for my team, I can at least take solace that when the Broncos return to action, we’ll see marvelous quarterback play. And that’s enough to make me a happy boy (at least once my fantasy week is over).

Jerry Jones “thinks the Cowboys can win the Super Bowl.” I think they can too, but only if they draft well for a few years and get a good coach and stop having an owner who runs the organization like his own personal fantasy squad. All that facial reconstruction has gone to poor Jerruh’s head.

Political Children!
Tagg Romney — yes, that’s his real name, because he’s from the Romney family, which if you’re scoring at home began with a “George” and now boasts a “Tagg,” because you can literally name your kids anything now — wanted to punch the President during Tuesday night’s debate. Probably because he’s an entitled asshole from a rich family.

Ol’ Handsome Joe Biden was in Greeley, Colorado yesterday, talking shit about Mitt and Paul-Ayn Ryan. Gotta say, I questioned that Obama pick way back in 2008, but I fuckin’ love it now. Ol’ Handsome Joe (and his Trans Am) is a fucking bulldog in this election, and are on a level that Milquetoast Mitt and Paul-Ayn simply can’t match. Not even close. Of course, he’ll be marching his way toward his mid-70s in 2016, so it’s somewhat doubtful that he’d run for President, but… guy knows his stuff, and he knows how to call out assholes for crocks filled with nonsense.

That’s it for me today. Join us later for lulz from our newest contributor.


  1. I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter
    a blog that’s equally educative and amusing, and without a doubt, you’ve hit the nail on the head.
    The problem is something that not enough men and women are speaking intelligently about.
    I’m very happy I found this during my search for something regarding


  1. […] that it’s one of the better matchups of the weekend (a weekend shortened significantly by byes), I figured what the hell. Houston looked extremely beatable last week by the Packers, but I […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: