Debating The Morning Wood

It’s a big day for us in the Mile High City, what with the Presidential Debate coming to town at The University Named For Our City But Really For Rich Folk of Denver tonight. Everyone’s excited to be part of such a historic destruction of Mitt Romney, who has been practicing his zingers in debate prep all week. Nothing like a well-rehearsed zinger, right George Costanza? What could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, all hilarious joking aside, we really are excited to have the debates come to town. It gives us a chance to really be part of the Presidential election, which is cool, and since Colorado is a swing state and still somehow up for grabs (we must have a lot of angry white males around), there’s a big rally today prior to the debate for President Obama. I’m going; should be rowdy. And then tomorrow I’m accompanying one of the greatest wine writers in the world the city to check out an Obama rally on Thursday morning. These are heady times, bros.

So, lots happening. Let’s get to the links.

ZOMG DRUDGE REPORT FIVE SIREN GIF ALERT! Yesterday afternoon, the Drudge Report, a right wing hit piece aggregator of political content with questionable headlines and horrible layout — think The Huffington Post, but from 1997, and built on a Geocities platform — teased a Daily Caller video that was called a “bombshell” by right wing water carrier Sean Hannity and was mostly ignored by everyone. Just like the last “bombshell video” released a few months back, in which a then-future President Obama hugged a black guy, it turns out that when you say things about race that are true, nobody gives a shit.

The reason nobody gives a shit? This video was released in 2008. Nobody gave a shit then, either.

I’m sure it reached (and scared) some angry white Fox News viewers, but otherwise, everyone just yawned.

As The Bunk put it this morning, “it’s kitchen sink time for the GOPee.”

Ann Romney wishes you knew how lucky you are to have the opportunity to vote for her super-awesome robot husband. Won’t you take advantage of said opportunity?

According to Vice Presidential Nominee/Very Serious Person Paul Ryan (R-Ayn), only 70% of the people in this country want the American Dream®, with the other 30% wanting “the welfare state.” Cool story, Hansel. Unfortunately, I think you got those numbers from whichever pollster tells you that you’re winning.

In “Speeches from 2008 That Actually Matter and/or Are Relevant” news, our old friend Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin stepped in it again, saying that some women who are not even pregnant are getting abortions, because they’re sluts. He’s a really neat guy, and I just get the feeling we really missed out on a lot of unintentional comedy by not having Romney select Akin as his running mate. Can you imagine the awesomeness that would have come from such a pairing? My god, we’d never stop laughing!

Sport! And/Or Pedophilia!
Remember our old friend, Ginger Mike McQueary? He was the Penn State assistant football coach who heard sounds in the locker room shower, saw Jerry Sandusky sodomizing a child, and then ran to Joe Paterno to tell the old man what he saw. Anyway, he’s suing Penn State for defamation and $4 million. Probably a good move.

Sport! And/Or Gheys!
You may have heard the hubbub about a pro football player coming out in favor of equal marriage rights for gays. We didn’t cover it as well as we should have, but it’s become more than just a blip on the radar. Now Chris Kluwe, the punter for the Minnesota Vikings (who are inexplicably in a first place tie) spoke up and spoke out, delivering an absolutely brutal takedown of those bigots who would have you believe that gay people getting married affects anyone except the gay people getting married. Anyway, he’s at it again.

That’s it for today. If you haven’t yet, read The Bunk’s excellent news update about the Romneybot getting his CPU rebooted.

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