Chicken Little and His Morning Wood


So yesterday did not go as planned for the orange-clad warriors of the Rocky Mountains. While they didn’t get killed, they weren’t exactly “in it to win it” either, and for the second straight week they lost by six and watched their defense fritter away a shot at the ball with time running down.

Same as it ever was.

And as expected by Your Humble Correspondent, the nay-sayers came out in force immediately following the game, claiming (after three games, I shit you not) that the Peyton Manning signing was a failure and that it was a waste of time and money and — you guessed it — we set ourselves back 5 years (minimum) by shipping off Timothy Richard Tebow. All this despite Manning throwing for over 300 yards, two touchdowns, no interceptions, and having several passes dropped by his wideouts.

/kills self

There’s a lesson to be learned here. That lesson is that blind Tebow supporters should probably be euthanized for the good of humanity and for the long-term intelligence of the species. Not even close to kidding. We’ve been around and around with the morons masquerading as pseudo football intellectuals using things like team wins to extrapolate individual roles in said wins, and when it comes to logic, they simply don’t have access. I’m not sure if it’s the Florida water, the Jesus Juice, or the scruffy beard and monk haircut, but something has gone haywire in the Tebow zombie brain, and it’s killing the will to live of everyone who doesn’t think Tim is actually that good.

Thankfully, the Raiders come to town this week, and it would be hella nice to get healthy with a win, putting us at 2-2 heading into @New England and @San Diego. If we can beat the Raiders and Chargers — who look eminently beatable after yesterday’s poopfest in their house against Atlanta — the Denver Broncos will be 3-3 after the toughest stretch of their 2nd-toughest-in-the-league schedule.

And while the schedule doesn’t get particularly easy after the first six games, it does get easiER. And honestly, easiER is all we can ask for.

The Links:
Manchester United fans showing class? Manchester United fans showing class. Just as we should have expected from the scum of the earth. God damn maggots.

Smokin’ Jay Cutler may be the finest meme yet about ol’ Frown Cannon. He just looks so perfect with a cig dangling out of his pouty lips… I’m not sure why it’s the best meme, I just know that it is the best meme. I will now say meme again: MEME MEME MEME.

Also: I totally won my fantasy matchup yesterday, you guys. So… yeah.

Both candidates for President showed up on 60 Minutes last night for in-person interviews. It was interesting from the standpoint of being able to stack the candidates next to each other and see where they line up. AHAHAHAHAHA JUST KIDDING the 60 Minutes guys didn’t ask any tough questions or any follow ups with substance, so both candidates essentially gave their uninterrupted campaign stump speeches and waxed poetic about helping “all of the people” (Mitt Romney) and “taking full responsibility for everything,” (Barack Obama).

What I’d like to see? Both candidates locked in a padded room together. Air being slowly sucked out of the room. A cathedral ceiling with a hole in the top. A rope ladder that comes halfway down. And instructions that they both must get out of the room alive, or neither of them gets to be Ruler of The Poors President. More than being ideologically sound, I’d like to see politicians who actually know what it is to work with someone else. Oh, and the whole thing would be videotaped. I think it would capture so beautifully Mitt’s foot-stomping tantrum when he Obama explains, “Look, Mitt, we don’t have a bunch of dead poor people to pile up and climb over to the rope ladder.” And Mitt would be all “BUT I WANNA/IT’S ALL I KNOW” and I would laugh for many hours.

Remember how I told you that Reince Priebus is a haughty dipshit? Well, that has not ended. Rinsed Penis is at it again, claiming that Mitt’s last week was the BEST WEEK EVAR, because Rinsed Penis is a fucking moron.

Remember our old friend Newton Gingrich? He still wants to be President… of the MOOOOOOOOOOOOON.

Check back later for some stuff. Goodbye.

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