Morning Wood: Dispatches from Dystopian Red State America

Governor Rick Scott (R-Florida)

Shocking events in TeaPartystan!
Florida Governor Rick Scott’s administration got a SHOCKING LETTER in the mail y’all.

Apparently, children with disabilities like autism, cerebral palsy, and Down’s Syndrome are being stored in nursing homes where they’re denied the therapy, education, and types of interaction they need. Things we consider to be a right. Now, that’s pretty bad, and Rick Scott is ON it y’all. He won’t stand for it. He’s ordered an investigation! FIND OUT WHO STORED THESE KIDS LIKE SO MUCH HUMAN DETRITUS. This shall not happen on Rick Scott’s watch!!

Fortunately, it’s not going to be really hard to figure out how this happened. In fact, with only very minor googling, YOU TOO can solve this mystery!!

It turns out… this horrible, nasty, bastard of a man named… let me see here, gotta consult my notes… Ah yes, here it is. Apparently one Mr. “Rick Scott” is responsible for this mess. Rick Scott is probably shocked to find out that Rick Scott decided to slash the funding for the Agency for Persons With Disabilities to such a degree that the support coordinators would be forced to work for LESS THAN MINIMUM WAGE. Rick Scott would probably also be blown away to find out that Rick Scott hates Barry Hussein O’Soshalist SO HARD that he’s refused to accept money from the federal government intended for children with disabilities and seniors. Millions and millions and millions of dollars, leaving people warehoused in nursing homes because the care they require is too expensive without Medicaid to supplement it.

“Hundreds of Florida children are spending their formative years in hospital-like institutions, sometimes growing up in the equivalent of hospital rooms with virtually no education or socialization, the Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division wrote in a 22-page letter to Attorney General Pam Bondi. Bondi’s office is defending the state against a previously filed lawsuit that claims the institutionalization of children violates federal law.”

Rick Scott would probably explain to Rick Scott that this has been going on for decades… and he’d be right. But that doesn’t change the FACTS. This happens because we UNDERFUND social programs, something which has gotten dramatically worse under Rick Scott. But congrats to the Tea Party, Rick Scott knows exactly how to handle this problem, and it isn’t by raising taxes or dipping into savings.

Maybe he’s just hoping all those Poors will get tuberculosis and drop dead before the media notices!

It’s reverso day, ad infinitum!
You know what really makes 9/11 meaningful to me? When a bunch of fuckers who voted REPEATEDLY to block or decrease healthcare coverage for people who ran TOWARD the collapsing towers instead of AWAY from them… you know, HEROES… I just love it when people vote to fuck those heroes right in the pooper.

Yeah, you heard that right. We need to stop the sequestor from cutting defense spending (fuck everything else though) because 9/11! WE CAN’T CUT DEFENSE BECAUSE 9/11!!!

Never Again = the amount of times we should let these God Damned Liars use the blood of our dead to build bombs so they can go produce more dead people. THERE’S YOUR NEVER AGAIN.

I want to incorporate my vagina so Republicans will stop trying to regulate it!
Lovers of freedom will be happy to know that an Idaho district court has ruled that a woman who ordered abortion pills online, and then took them, cannot be sent to jail for taking abortion pills. Which her three BORN CHILDREN are probably pretty happy about. Lovers of Hateful Republican Jayzuss will be sad to know that this unmarried woman with three born children won’t be treated like dogshit while begging for scraps to feed an unwanted fourth child.

Lovers of rational thinking and logic are probably weeping into their tomato soup at the knowledge that in 2012, a woman had to go to court because she decided to privately take some vagina pills. They might then be further saddened that this woman ordered these pills online because the Tea Party backed Republicunts (JOBS JOBS JOBS!) have made it so fucking hard for a woman to exercise her legally protected right to not be a brood mare that she has to go online and order the drugs herself. Like the uppity flower pot she is.

Then those lovers of intelligence and equality are probably chewing through their own wrists to hear that women in Texas have begun showing up in clinics reporting they’ve taken a drug called Misoprostol without really knowing how much to take, because it’s so fucking hard to get an abortion that they’re crossing the border into Mexico and buying it from unlicensed pharmacies. These pharmacies don’t even give the women instructions sometimes… but eventually some woman is going to end up dying from sepsis or blood loss or just because she thought she was buying from a real pharmacy, but instead it’s just some lunatic giving her rat poison.

The point is… women are going to start dying again. It’s coming, folks. We’re mostly too young to remember pre-Roe America… but you know who isn’t? Mitt Romney.

See, most of us don’t know what a botched abortion death looks like, but Mitt kinda does because his brother-in-law’s sister died from one.

That’s Ann Keenan, and here’s what’s on the coroner’s report:

“Subarachnoid hemorrhage following septic criminal recent abortion with septic thromboembolism pneumonia and hepatitis with focal necrosis of liver.”

A Subarachnoid hemorrhage is bleeding in the area between the brain and the thin tissues that cover the brain.

Ann Keenan, 21 at the time of her death, got a back alley abortion. The butcher she was forced to turn to used dirty surgical utensils. Ann got an infection inside her womb which caused sepsis (a whole-body inflammatory state) which eventually led to pneumonia and liver necrosis (that’s when your liver starts dying inside you).  A blood clot formed, then broke off and blocked another vein, then she started bleeding into her own skull.

This was an excruciating death. It’s hard to tell how many women died this death before Roe v. Wade because women wouldn’t go to hospitals. They’d quietly bleed to death at home, and their families would tell people they died some other way. We don’t have an exact number, but it’s estimated that at least 5,000 women a year died this horrible, terrible death in the US. In Latin America, where the Catholic church has succeeded in banning abortion pretty much everywhere, and discourages the use of birth control, around 4 MILLION women have abortions a year anyway, and for everywhere outside of Cuba (socialized medicine for the win), the effective percentage of these abortions which are unsafe is 100%. 8.5 million women a year have a complication from an unsafe abortion. Banning abortion and taking away birth control cause more women to need abortive services, and more to die getting them.

This is the vision, people. The elderly and the disabled and the ones who can’t advocate for themselves being stacked in warehouses, out of the public eye. The promise that service is repaid, removed. Women dying horrible, torturous deaths as punishment for their sexuality.


  1. You know, if you look closely at the video, you can actually see the strings on those puppets being pulled by their military industrial complex overlords. HURR DUH HURR WE NEEDZ MOAR MISSULS PLEEZ. Fuck. The. Fuck. Off.

    Also, thanks for telling the story of Ann Keenan. That Mitt has had personal experience with the outcome of a back alley abortion and shows zero decency in the face of that experience tells me all I need to know about Mitt Romney.

    • Mlle. Bébé Gottbach, Ph.D says:

      Then you’ll be happy (disgusted) to know that back when Romney was running for office and pro-choice, he told the sad tale of Ann Keenan in a debate (google keywords: “multiple choice”).

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