Morning Wood: Let Me Be Your Fantasy

Had my fantasy draft last night at the home of another local celebrity blogger. Killed it, because that’s what I do. I’d like to have a bit better option at RB than I do (LeSean McCoy, Ben Tate, Peyton Hillis, steal-of-the-draft Alfred Morris), but I’ve got excellent moving parts at QB (Matt Ryan, Cutlerfucker, Andy Dalton and, hopefully, if my waiver claim works out, Russell Wilson) even though four is a bit absurd; I’m hoping to use one of them as trade bait in week 2 or 3. And having options is never that bad of a thing.

Otherwise, I got the receiver I wanted (Eric Decker), the tight end I mostly wanted (Aaron Hernandez, with burning hot desire for the Gronk), and well-slotted other players.

I feel good.

On with the links (because nothing is more boring that hearing about someone ELSE’S fantasy football team. My apologies):

Media Matters!
Woke up this morning as I do, took my iPad into the bathroom. Fired up the New York Times for a little morning read, and what do I find? I find that if anyone continues to call the New York Times part of the left wing media conspiracy, even in light of the fawning, absurd love-in they’re having with the Mitt Romney campaign, you have my permission and likely the permission of anyone who uses their brain for anything but a seat to punch them squarely in the tit. No judge would convict you (NOT TO BE TAKEN AS LEGAL ADVICE, EVER).

If you want to know what’s really going on at the convention in Tampa — I mean, besides an angry and vengeful god sending a hurricane and hate-fucking the city for allowing the GOP to use His name in vain over and over and over and over and over and over and over again — Gawker and Wonkette are your respective huckleberries.

Oh my god, you guys. I totes have the biggest boner right now, and it was given to me by Peyton NeckAIDS Manning. Namely this article, in which Champ Bailey, who is no stranger to big games and playing football really really well, realizes on the first day of training camp that playing with Manning means he’s got to get better. The whole team has got to get better.

Thing of it is, they are so much better. I was thinking we should temper expectations, that 9-7 and a playoff berth would be enough. With this team? I don’t think 12 wins is out of the question, even with our murderer’s row of a schedule.

Because we’ve got Peyton, and Peyton is an all-purpose redneck badass.

Big Lew Alcindor — now known to most of the sporting public as Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, because he’s a Muslin LIKE THAT DANGOL OBUMMER — whined and bitched and moaned (like he do) to get a statue of himself put outside the Staples Center in Los Angeles. That’s like wearing the tee shirt of the band you’re playing in on stage while playing in said band, only, you know, like worse somehow.

The point I’m trying to make here is that Lew is a horrible, whiny person.

Have a good Tuesday, wage slaves. The Bunk will be along shortly to make you laugh with the funny ha ha. Do come back.

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