The BCS “National Championship” Game

Rerun season.

I fucking hate rerun season.

Tonight’s “National Championship Game” between the two teams that people in charge say are the best in the country is not something I’m looking forward to. After all, I like offense and the last time these two played, neither could score a touchdown.

It’s an exhibition, the berth of each team in this game the result of some old white people sitting in a conference room stating over and over that these “are the best two teams in the nation,” and that “it’s going to be a great game,” and that “we’re totally going to sell all our ad time, you guys.”

And ad time? There sure is a lot of it. This farce of a “National Championship” has become the new over-promoted, over-extended,  over-hyped Super Bowl. At the gym this morning, I was looking live at the very empty Mercedes Benz Superdome, at three talking heads discussing the upcoming game. Mind you this was at 6am, or a full 12 hours before the pregame show starts. I’ve seen fluff pieces on both coaches, the seniors involved on each side, glowing portrayals of ‘Bama running back Trent Richardson (who became a father for the first time as a 15 year old kid) and LSU corner Tyronn Mathieu (who looked like some kind of space pimp in his shiny narrow-lapel suit at the Heisman presentation — SPONSORED BY NISSAN), seniors impersonating LSU coach Les Miles, seniors talking about Alabama coach Nick Saban and his famous “intensity.” Each segment had its own presenting sponsor, because CAPITALISM® is KING.

Basically, ESPN showed anything and everything to keep us from remembering that A) these teams played once already, and B) the game was boring as piss, and C) LSU only won because Alabama’s kicker came down with a serious case of the DERP just before kickoff.

It was not thrilling. No barns were burned in the playing of the first game.

And yet, we’re supposed to believe that these two teams — nary a touchdown between them — are the two best in college football? That Alabama, despite not even playing in the SEC title game, will be our National Champion if they manage to win tonight?

The whole thing is laughable, honestly.

How would one justify crowning Alabama if they win tonight? Unless it’s a complete blowout victory by the Tide — which is not expected for any one of 20 reasons — the teams will be 1-1 against each other this season. The first game played on Alabama’s home field, the second played basically on a home pitch for the Tigers.

How do you crown either team the champion in that scenario?

I keep hearing that this is going to be a great game, which I agree with to an extent; I mean, it certainly will be a game. But I don’t think it will be great. And I’m hoping against hope that Alabama pulls out a victory, if only so the BCS committee and the people who brought us this non-playoff, every-game-matters-but-actually-doesn’t system have to take a big bite out of the shit sandwich they’ve been feeding us for years.

My pick? Alabama 12, LSU 6.

Playoff System 10, BCS 0.

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