BCS Is Better: Beef O’Brady’s Bowl

Field of Dreams

Oh man, do you know how excited I am for the all-out war that’ll be taking place at 8pm ET tonight on ESPN? I’m not talking about college playoffs, because college playoffs are stupid and wrong.

I’m talking Beef O’Brady’s Bowl. Catch the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl fever (which is not to be confused with the fever you’d get from ACTUALLY EATING AT Beef O’Brady’s, which appears to be some kind of redneck Applebee’s). Two teams, one with a .500 record, both from dogshit conferences, doing battle in a dogshit baseball stadium in a dogshit city.

Guys you’ve never heard of! Average at best statistics! Teams nobody cares about! A result that means nothing! Marshall! Florida International!

Because “Every Game Matters.”

Seriously, it’s “contests” like the Beef O’Brady’s Bowl that keep D-1 football from having a playoff system, instead contributing to the farce that is a fake National Champ, a fake “voting system,” and the most meaningful contest in the land decided not on the field, but in a board room. Because Beef O’Brady’s Bowl allegedly makes money, though I’m not sure how that’s possible. Who is going to watch this game?

Anyway, enough snark. Let’s preview this sucker.

Marshall (6-6 — BOWL ELIGIBLE!) and Florida International (8-4) have never met in a football contest before, creating this history-making moment. Florida International is favored by 4. Not favored by 4: My desire to watch this game.

These teams are the last two winners of the Little Caesar’s Bowl. I know, I couldn’t believe it either, but it’s true!

Florida International has an all-purpose “threat” in T.Y. (stands for “THANK YOU!”) Hilton who had 200 all purpose yards against a terrible Louisville team earlier this season, so… you know… kind of a big deal.

Mostly, this seems like a terrible game. This Marshall team is not the Thundering Herd of old, with heavy hitting offense of questionable characters like Randy Moss and Chad Pennington; Quarterback Rakeem Cato didn’t even rack up 2,000 yards or 15 touchdowns this season, and their leading receiver came in short of 600 yards. Not impressive.

Florida International is, apparently, a real University, though I’m not sure what’s so International about Florida. That state is tied with Ohio for least worldly people in the nation. If you had a Redneck-Off, I’m not sure who would win.

My prediction: Florida International 935, Marshall 2.

Every Game Matters. Don’t forget.


  1. […] admit that I actually watched the Beef ‘O’Brady’s Bowl a few weeks back, which I wrote about in a mocking fashion and then ended up wagering on with my friends. I may have a gambling […]

  2. […] College football playoffs are coming, finally. And they’ve allegedly found a way to keep the crappy bowl games that we’re all so excited to watch. That’s right: The NobodyGivesAFlyingFuck.com Bowl […]

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